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Psychopath
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Psychopath's News

Posted by Psychopath - March 25th, 2015


In light of @Emrox's "enlightening" touch on why satire is utter shit, let's expand on his criticisms by touching on why parody has become shit. As you know, satire is to parody what mechanics are to engineers; the no-count younger brother with a bloated sense of self importance. I'm not going to preface my personal four laws of anti-comedy with a video summarizing the total sum of my blog post because you'd have no reason to continue reading my verbal holocost of failure.

1. Pointing out what's already obvious to everybody

When you think about it, parody authors have it pretty good when it comes to copyright law, our asses are protected by things like fair use laws which allows us to use other people's intellectual property to our financial gain. The common criticism among detractors of this type of comedy is that you're using the other person's intellectual property as a crutch in place of original comedy. This used to a bullshit way of handwaving away potential comedy gold, until shit like this came to light.

Can this shit be any more dull? Shit like this is the reason why parody is often thought of as a crux of lazy writing. You know you've fucked up when the uninitiated can't tell if what your watching is meant to humorize the show or it's an autistic person's character rundown meant for parents of the show's fans, because weebs. It's bad enough that your parody is spent purely in briefly highlighting the fact that the cast exists... apparently... but then you punctuate it by repeating jokes from the show itself lazily.

Of course I'm being ridiculous in expecting a parody to be a real parody. Why bother actually attempting to be clever when you can squeek by and gather a massive fan base by merely pointing out character traits that were better humorized in the show you're allegedly mocking? You'd have to be an idiot to actually try.

2. Telegraphing the joke ahead of time

Which is funnier, a joke that you weren't expecting or a joke that you knew was going to happen? Obviously it'd be the one with that trigger warning for funny time because I'm a Tumblrite with seven different fakey bullshit disorders. Make no mistake, building up to a joke is not the same as telegraphing it. Straight up telling the audience what the joke is going to be before making the joke is just the same as telling the joke, only without the parts that make it a joke.

TL;DR: Telegraphing that the joke is incoming is the same as never telling it at all; the more you discuss the joke, the weaker and weaker the punchline is. There is a reason why they call the end of a joke a punchline.

3. Clearly not giving a shit

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/586125

Self explanatory.

4. Knowingly being repetitive

What's even more funny than writing a parody? Writing a parody of other people's parodies of course!

Look, we all know that seeing the same thing again and again is fucking obnoxious but you know what doesnt fucking help? Being ironically obnoxious.

You, the author attempting to do this, are doing nothing more but watering down water. You've contributed to that which you hate by mimicking it in the attempt to mock it, except that your take has even less substance. Being obnoxious ironically is no better than being obnoxious sincerely; either option makes everyone want to plunge a power drill into your heart.

Be sure to check out @Keisok and his thoughts on the Flash portal sometime.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


The Matrix | Part #1 & Part #2

The Matrix 2: Animatrix | Part #1 & Part #2

The Matrix 3: Reloaded | Part #1 & Part #2

The Matrix 4: Revolutions | Part #1 & Part #2


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


This end fight scene is kinda bland to be fully honest, I remember noting that the fight scenes in Reloaded were so good that I wish that Dragon Ball Z fights were like them, and to be fair this fight starts off engagingly enough with a ground brawl, but then the movie takes up actually mimicking Dragon Ball Z-esque fight scenes by having Neo and Smith fight midair and fly at each other coupled with invisible explosions that occur whenever Smith and Neo collide and to be fully honest, I feel like I'm watching someone's playthrough of Budokai Tenkaichi 3 and no, that's not a good thing; Budokai Tenkaichi 3 is boring enough to play, far more boring to watch and with the absence of the novelty that I'm seeing Dragon Ball Z characters fight, this is lamer than lame. Though, to be fair, there is a good exchange of dialog near the end that I really like where Smith begs the question "Why Mr. Anderson? Why, why, why? Why do you do it? Why? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom or truth? Perhaps peace? Could it be for love? Illusions Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose! And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you persist?" with Neo's response "Because I choose to." being probably the closest this tetralogy ever comes to being truly inspired and deep. Although I must say, considering how Smith is constantly under control of the Matrix itself and Neo is using Smith's termination as a bargaining chip for a peace treaty coupled with this speech, Neo's trials sound more like a complex machine constructed test of valor and merit to prove that humans are worth a shit rather than a war effort and you know what, I would've found that ending to be acceptable and justified; it would have tied up most of the plotholes like the major inconsistencies of Smith's loyalty and how he seems to play any side of the field he feels like at the time by explaining that he was really just guiding Neo down a specific path of enlightenment, it would have sufficed a much better explanation as to why they keep repeating the same war over and over, it would have justified using the Matrix to inject people into an artificial world instead of just sedating them to keep them unconscious all the time and it would have justified keeping the Matrix operational at all when they really don't need to when they can just resort to other methods of generating electricity despite the fact that they're fully prepared to do so. But no, that ending, albeit it would've probably felt contrived and forced, would have been remotely intelligent. Sure, it wouldn't explain how or why Neo was able to enter the Matrix without being jacked in first, it wouldn't have explained how he was able to down a small army of sentinels just by thinking it and it wouldn't have explained why he can see shit without eyes, but it would have been something.

But no, my suspicions were wrong; Neo gets killed and because my apparent brainfart wasn't right, Smith is terminated and the fact that it happens doesn't make any sense. I know that people are going to tell me that assimilating Neo returned Smith to the source and thereby gave the administrator the ability to delete his ass, which is Matrix Wiki's explanation for it by the way, and that's the reason why it worked. But then, what about other people who are directly connected to the Matrix? What about all the programs he assimilated? Surely down the line they had to have detected Smith's activity somewhere, he practically is the Matrix by this point. How do you miss that? He's fucking everywhere and all those people who's consciousness' he overwrote were connected to the machine mainframe just like Neo was. Furthermore, even if you couldn't detect and delete him but simultaneously somehow knew that he was even overstepping his boundaries to begin with, couldn't you just wipe all the information off of the server that Smith is located on and reinstall the Matrix? That's the method people who aren't computer savy use to deal with viruses when their anti-virus software fails; using an operating system installer disc to kill a virus is a very basic method and it's common knowledge. As for deleting the Matrix, I wouldn't doubt that these guys have a backup full of all the files they need to reinstall it, I mean, they are supposed to be smarter than humans, so why not? Again, I call bullshit.

To further reiterate why that explanation is total horse shit, allow me to bring up something I didn't mention in my review of Reloaded; the fact that Neo is the very same operating system installer disc code that I just ranted about and that's part of the reason why Neo is supposed to return to the source where the reset would therefore be followed by Neo selecting 23 people to rebuild Zion. Now that I've brought it up, you'd think that such a detail would defeat many points I've made in these reviews. It doesn't. Here's the thing, how is it that Neo not only has the source code needed for the process, but rather that he is the Prime Program? How does that work? I know that Neo is special, but why is his existence necessitated? It's explained that his only purpose to exist is to guide everyone else down the wrong path by means of impressing them so much that they follow him as a deity by means of allowing him to manipulate the Matrix, followed by him returning to the source to have the Prime Program extracted from him which will then be followed by him rebuilding the ruins of Zion with 23 other people. Okay, the first detail makes sense, but the latter doesn't for two reasons; again, why does Neo have, or rather is the Prime Program needed to reset the Matrix? Wouldn't it be more, you know, practical to have it on a back up drive of some kind? I mean, what if Neo had a sudden nervous breakdown from the pressure of being viewed as a deistic God and killed himself? You can't control his brain chemistry outside of the Matrix, so yes that could happen and yes, you'd be indeedly screwed. Additionally, what would you do if Neo didn't decide to fight Smith and just went around Zero-One all day remotely destroying every machine he happened upon with his unexplained powers that you apparently granted him? What if he decided to just destroy the machine mainframe and the Source along with it? Hell, he's done it before and you've demonstrated that you can't control it when he did it to an entire army of sentinels that attempted at downing the Logos on his way to the epicenter of Zero-One. Otherwise, why did you allow him to destroy so many sentinels? Why did you deploy any sentinels at all? If you could control his abilities, there'd be no point in trying to destroy him by means of hitting him with everything you've got once he entered Zero-One, so why oppose him at all? Why can't you just strip him of his abilities wirelessly? Why does he have such an ability at all? Hell, if he's supposed to go to Zero-One and beat up on Smith, why attack him? It's been made clearly apparent that the Oracle, while she has her own agenda, is working with you and this course of action is preordained by you and that you knew he was gonna be here because the Oracle told him to go to Zero-One. Yeah, there just so happens to be lots of these little details, and they all contradict each other to some degree.

Oh, another thing that ruins that dialog scene is where Smith gets punched in the face in a hilarious and anti-dramatic slow motion sequence and then yells and screams "This is my world! My world!" like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum. Any kind of respect I had for Smith as being menacing has spiraled down the fucking toilet.

The movie ends with everything returning to normal and you know what doesn't make sense to me that's never touched upon? What about all the humans who's minds Smith overwrote? I mean, I understand that the assimilation of the programs could be reversed, at least in theory that is, but with regular people... that's pretty much a permanent thing you know? It can't be reversed, only overwritten again by another program, but I don't see a bunch of Smith's or other copies of the same program running around, so does that mean they rewrote everyone's brain chemistry to restart from scratch or what? Did they die? Did we just kill a whole bunch of people by deleting Smith? Oh God, Neo's a murderer! He just committed mass genocide and we're supposed to be happy about it! This is fucking twisted. I hate Neo! I wish that he would die-- oh, wait. Nevermind. Too late. Oh yeah and the machines actually bother giving him a funeral. I wish I were joking.

So the machines leave Zion as per their agreement with Neo, the Architect and the Oracle debate on how long this treaty will last for and the Architect gives the Oracle his word that he'll release the people who want out of the Matrix, see I told you this was all just a bet, and apparently the Matrix has been reset, even though despite the fact that according to Matrix Wiki, the Matrix isn't supposed to reset until one hundred years after 1999. The end.

How does this movie hold up? Not as well as Reloaded in terms of action and mythology, but better than Animatrix and the first Matrix movie. How does the tetralogy hold up? Well these uh... these are not good movies. To put it simply, try and picture yourself stumbling upon a copy of the Christian Bible, you come to understand that this religion has a massive following and you decide to give the book a read, then you come to realize all the reasons why the Bible makes no fucking sense and you're disillusioned to all the bullshit everybody else eats up and you become an atheist and although you might want to believe in God, you simply can't because you're too smart for it. As you can tell, I was able to pick all four of them apart with ease and with something that's apparently so good that it warrants four movies, I shouldn't be able to do that. If I had to compare it to something, well, it's slightly better than the Highlander pentalogy, it would be better than the Highlander pentalogy by leaps and bounds but Animatrix bogs it down so hard that it actually gives Highlander 2: The Quickening leverage over it. It's not even like Animatrix as a whole bogs it down, it's just "The Second Renaissance" that does it, the other ones range from being relatively decent to being a little bit less than mediocre. I'd say it's slightly better than the Star Wars prequel trilogy, but not the latter half of the Star Wars hexalogy. Overall the Matrix tetralogy is mediocre at best and mind blowingly stupid at worst. I find it hard to believe why people liked the first movie to begin with, but I suppose that I could guess at the idea that they overlooked the plotholes of the first because of the prospect of the sequels filling in the blanks, but when they didn't, people hated the sequels and never put the blame on the first movie. Meh.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


So initiates the beginning of the end, this is Matrix Revolutions. After this, I am fucking done with the Matrix movies. Before I get started with the review, I'd like to just point out how much I like the intros to these movies, they really do hype you up for the experience and they truly are the highlight of these films. Watching the company logos dissolve into green text just before it transitions into the movie. Seamless, beautiful. I'd even go as far as to say that these segments are all better than the movies themselves and these are shots of the fucking company logos; they're not supposed to be better.

I've actually heard that the core reason why people regard this as the worst in the trilogy is because it answers nothing, it's mostly just a giant explosion and lots of stuff goes on unresolved. Good. You know why? Because the Matrix fucking sucks at doing everything else, that is to say that the plot and mythology to all four films fucking blow. Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing the premise, I like the premise, it's the reason why I want to like these films. I'm saying that the execution is shit, the likes of which wouldn't even bellow out of tubgirl's ass, and this movie is fucking ass. In my personal opinion, this movie is probably the most tolerable of all four because it doesn't explain shit, which means it ceases to create more plotholes that would need more explaining because those explanations would be contradicted by other details and this shit would just go on and on in an endless cycle. You know what's impressive? This movie, despite having a heavy emphasis on action scenes, manages to take what little time it dedicates toward plot and mythology and creates more plotholes with it then the ones it filled in, so with that in mind, I should be grateful that most of this movie is filler, otherwise I'd be reviewing this movie for entire weeks. For the most part it's just one giant fight scene and I know that's a shallow and contrived reason to like a movie, but that's all the Matrix has and ever has had going for it. Because at least with the mind numbingly moronic plot, the flakey and seemingly chaotic story, the contrived character development and just the poor execution of every aspect that composes a story, I can at least enjoy the fighting bits and have fun with the shit that doesn't matter, because that's all the joy I could ever hope to derive from these movies. Overall, it's not good or bad, it's just bland.

The film opens on the crew of the Hammer and the remnants of the Nebuchadnezzar searching for Niobe and the rest of the crew of the Logos in the Matrix, which the search results turn up nil. They consider the worst but decide to pursue their ship on the prospect that even if the crew is dead, the Logos itself might be in good enough shape to operate, something of which they'll need for the impending war at Zion. The Captain of the Hammer demands that they find the Logos as soon as possible. Morpheus then makes a request of the operator to see if Neo is still lurking inside even though that's clearly impossible due to the fact that he was not injected into the Matrix at the time he passed out. They do this favor for him and the search turns up nil. Of course it would, Hell I could've told you that. But then again, I guess I can't blame him, according to the Nurse, Neo's CT scans suggest that he's plugged in even though he clearly isn't, I guess it just thinks that it is. So you might be thinking that Neo's newfound abilities might actually be given an actual explanation somewhere down the road, but you'd be wrong because well structured and tight writing is for fags and pussies apparently. They then receive a phone call from Seraph to come meet them at the Oracle's apartment, which they do and to their surprise the Oracle looks completely different, the real reason why is because the previous actress playing the Oracle sadly died when she experienced complications with her diabetes, so now we're stuck with this one. The fictional answer we're given is that the Merovingian got to her and fulfilled his threat from the previous movie to whack her. Now she's using the form you see now as a backup and Seraph, being the failure that he is, couldn't protect her during the one time were it mattered worth a shit.

Meanwhile, Neo wakes up finding himself inside the Matrix. Well, not really, his consciousness is stuck on a server that links the Matrix between other operating systems for reasons that are never explained in the movie. Neo's consciousness wound up here despite the fact that since he wasn't injected into the Matrix, that would be entirely impossible. You know, if his corporeal body were still injected into the Matrix when his consciousness and his brain splintered apart, then I might understand, but when he ended up here he was ejected from the Matrix and he was clearly conscious, so there's no excuse for this mindless bullshit. This also reopens the wound that is another plothole and grinds salt into it; the part where if you're ejected out of the Matrix prior to finding an exit point, not only does your corporeal body die but your consciousness dies too. Here's the thing, if Neo can defy the laws of physics and enter the Matrix by leaving his body without being injected into the Matrix first, why is it that Apoc and Switch couldn't? They both died under similar circumstances, having their bodies being prematurely disconnected from the Matrix, so if Neo's consciousness can exist in the Matrix without his corporeal body connected to it then why couldn't Apoc and Switch? If it happened with them, it would have at least made a bit of sense because unlike Neo, they were actually connected to the Matrix to begin with. But since Apoc and Switch couldn't, why can Neo?

Regardless, Neo has nobody to talk to but a family of programs; a father, mother and daughter. Again, I stress the point that this idea is pure nonsense as I did in Reloaded considering how they don't have libidos and therefore shouldn't have gender identities or genitalia. Nothing necessitates it. I could maybe understand the gender identity crap from "The Second Renaissance" because those androids were made to basically think that they were people, but it's explained in "The Second Renaissance" that newer and better artificial intelligence was created multiple times, meaning that they've evolved beyond the point of such an irrelevant and unnecessary attribute as gender identity. The father explains that for reasons unexplained, his daughter has been deemed obsolete and where they come from, she's designated for deletion and they're going through the Merovingian to get their daughter transferred to another server where she won't be deleted and will be held underneath the protection of the Oracle and Seraph. So yeah, apparently the Merovingian owns this particular server, which makes no sense considering how it could just be deleted and overwritten to screw the Merovingian over by superior programs that aren't exiles, I mean, how do you overlook something like that? It's an entire server that someone hacked into and decided to use for smuggling, I think you might notice that you can't use a specific channel because captain mudbutt the homeless decided to make a train station out of it.

After being told that the Merovingian runs the server to smuggle programs in and out of the Matrix, still fucking stupid, Morpheus, Trinity and not a previous "One" Seraph make their way to find the program who operates the server where Neo is located in. They find him lurking around in a subway car and find that his avatar is made to make him look like an unsuspecting bum. Of course the Trainman, as he's called, recognizes the three of them on the spot and makes a run for it. When the Trainman eventually outruns the trio, he arrives on the server where the family await him, noting that he's late. A train pulls up and the Trainman notes that he recognizes Neo and that if he's here, that means he can't escape, something of which the Trainman is certain will please the Merovingian. Neo threatens the Trainman when the Trainman exposits that he's the one who designed this server and for that reason he supersedes everyone and everything that sets foot into it. Okay, with that in mind, why does he even bother with helping the Merovingian? Why not just squat on this server forever? Apparently nobody significant knows about it and if they do then that means they don't care and if it just so happens that somebody does give a shit and they come to drink his Kool-aid, he could delete them merely by snapping his fingers as he's his own version of the One whenever he comes to this server. Speaking of which, one might wonder why he doesn't annihilate Neo on the spot; he exposits that the Merovingian would actually be happy with him here because the experience will make him suffer perpetually. One wonders if this isn't an allegory for Hell.

Knowing that the Merovingian has ties with the guy who operates the train station server, the trio make their way to the Frenchman restaurant which has now apparently been converted into a rave hall. They kick the Merovingian's ass, threaten to kill him with pretty much everyone at gunpoint and the Merovingian, being the coward that he is because he's a French stereotype, complies and Neo is finally reunited with his group. The operators of the Hammer note that although they see something that resembles Neo, his code doesn't read like Neo's and no, they never address that tidbit ever again, for all they know this guy could be an agent who's designed to look like Neo, but whatever. Before they can make their way to an exit point, Neo requests that he see the Oracle for himself as this is probably the last opportunity he may ever have to do so. When they arrive to her apartment, the Oracle asks Neo if he recognizes her to which he states "Part of you", to which she affirms by saying "Some parts you lose, some parts you keep", which is what apparently happens when the avatar of a program is broken; the information inside is recollected into a new shell, but not all of it can be recollected and some of it is erased for good. Neo asks, once again, what the fuck is going on and why wasn't he told about the Architect? Why didn't she tell him about how old Zion and the Matrix really is and that there were five other "Ones" before him? Why is he able to remotely shut down machines like he was a human explosively pumped flux compression generator that doesn't break? What necessitates that the Matrix even exists, especially when you guys aren't totally dependent on human lives to keep the machine empire running and you're fully prepared to drop the ball on the whole human incubation thing here and now thus ending the war for good? With that in mind, why do you guys keep the war ongoing even though you have absolutely no benefit in doing so and there's a risk factor that it might just end up biting you in the ass? She replies that it wasn't time for him to know, which is bullshit and he calls her out on bullshitting him, to which she rebukes by saying that the only person preventing him from ascertaining that knowledge was himself, which is so bullshit that it ranges on scraping the bottom of the barrel; he had no conceivable way of knowing about past generations of "The One" and that these asshole programs have been actively and deliberately keeping the war ongoing by brainwashing the entire civilization of Zion into the same steps that their predecessors stepped in before, that you were in on it the whole time and the real reason why you kept it going on like this wasn't because it was necessary to keep the system self sustained but because you had a spat with the Architect one day and decided to make a bet with him where the conditions depend upon keeping the war ongoing for entire generations and seeing if humans will eventually evolve beyond the parameters of the machine's brainwashing techniques and thwart them in the war of if they'll continue going on like this forever and ever, which if you lose the bet a hundred times it wouldn't matter because the bet was never given a number of limitations so regardless of how many times you lose, the system of this bet will run into an infinite loop forever. Oh yeah, that's pretty much sums up the plot of the Matrix series in a nutshell. The Matrix, keeping people in the Matrix, letting Zion exist and build an army and engage the machine empire into a cold war are necessitated by a mere bet that the Oracle made with the Architect that humans can surpass their mechanical overlords. The cost of this bet is whether or not they allow people to leave the Matrix on their own incentive. That's it. If I were the Architect I wouldn't have agreed to shit and told her to go fuck herself. The Architect is a being driven by logic above all else, to say that he agreed to such a ludicrous bet that he would continually win over and over again infinitely would suggest that he's emotionally driven, which he isn't.

The Oracle explains that Neo is now connected to the source in some contrived, confusing, aggravating and never to be explained manner and that's the reason why he was able to disable the sentinels that almost killed him during the end of Reloaded. That's not a fucking answer, all that explains is the why, not the how, and I recall him specifically asking how. Let's elaborate, if he was only able to have magical telekinetic powers that make no sense after meeting the Architect, how is it that he was clairvoyant before and could see future events? I've actually heard other fan theories that the reality they're in is not actually real and that Zion is just an upper level of the Matrix, which is the reason why Neo can remotely deactivate sentinels, because they aren't real. Why is it that at every plothole this movie series has, the fans are always the ones to come up with the more intelligent explanations than the fucking writers? Furthermore, how is he able to do that? Is he remotely accessing the Matrix mainframe through the technological bits installed into the back of his head? Because, that explanation might actually make some fucking sense, but since the movie doesn't specify that, I am once again trying to write fanfiction to explain all the nonsense bullshit that goes on in these movies as a means to justify and rationalize the bad qualities of these movies, because I'm hopelessly pathetic like that. The Oracle explains that Neo ended up at the train station because when he deactivated those sentinels, he wasn't ready for it and the experience should have killed him, but he apparently wasn't ready for that either so he ended up at the train station instead. What a load of bull, lots and lots of people aren't ready to die, that doesn't mean they get a free "Out of jail" card as a trade off. That detail would have made sense to me if my "remote access via special wifi wireless card embedded into brain" hypothesis were held as true, but since the fucking movie itself never says anything about how Neo is able to access the machine mainframe without being injected onto the Matrix first, it's pure speculation and it remains to only ever be, fanfiction. So again, that's not a fucking answer, he was requesting information on how it was possible for him to do it, not why he was allowed to do it. He was inquiring on the functionality aspect, not the purpose aspect. Fuck you movie.

She basically goes on to tell Neo that if he wants to end the war, he'll have to go Zero-One for undisclosed reasons. Yeah, brilliant idea, let's end the war by nose diving a ship into a city filled with deadly, human hating machines that would be more likely to kill Neo rather than negotiate terms and conditions with him. She says that Neo has a bargaining chip for when he does go to the machine city; Smith is out of control, overwriting everyone and copying himself to no end and the more he does it the more momentum he gains to continue doing it and at greater mass each time until everyone has been assimilated and if Neo can convince the machines that he's the only one capable of stopping Smith from overreaching his boundaries and breaching the Matrix to infect the machine empire itself into a self destructive nihilistic frenzy, they'll come to terms with him and bring a stop to the cold war. She then exposits that Smith is the result of the Matrix trying to balance itself out as a response to the massively disproportionate power that Neo has over the Matrix, which according to her earlier statement about Smith's termination at the hands of Neo being a bargaining chip makes no fucking sense; what she's saying is that the Matrix itself is responsible for Smith constantly cloning himself and not being bound to the rules, meaning that Smith is indeed very much under control because his existence and his endeavors are a deliberate attempt from the system itself at defeating Neo. If Neo were to spear himself in the head with a knife right now, Smith's grip over the Matrix would no longer be necessitated and his power streak would be reversed. Furthermore, what about the Architect? I didn't see Smith assimilate him, so that must mean that the Architect is still in control; not only is he the epicenter and creator of the Matrix, he's also it's prime manager, meaning that if he really felt like it, he could undo everything that Smith has done up to this point because he's the motherfucking puppet master. So with that in mind, why would getting control over Smith work as a bargaining chip when he's very transparently under control? Hell, even Smith himself expressed that he was only able to do what he was doing because he was allowed to, he was terminated in the first movie meaning that he should have been immediately regarded as obsolete and remained deleted. If his endless power is really due to the fact that he reassembled himself in the Matrix after having his shell obliterated, then why isn't the Oracle like that? She too had her shell destroyed and had to be reassembled, meaning that she should be totally, completely and disproportionately broken just like Smith. That would make for a hilarious fight too, can you imagine the Oracle beating up on Smith? That would be awesome. But in all seriousness, why would you negotiate a peace treaty with someone to get control over something that they already had control over? That's redundant nonsense. She basically just contradicted a plot point as she was explaining it, that's just how poor the writing is in these movies. I never thought I'd say this but, bring back The Phantom Menace.

Neo is then brought back to the real world by having his body hooked up to the Matrix and having his consciousness exit out back into his body, but not before Bane wakes up that is. Bane is then interrogated by the Captain of the Hammer and when Bane starts spouting his nonsense the Captain asks if he's been tested for VDT's. What are VDT's you might ask? I have no fucking clue, I even looked it up on Matrix Wiki and my search results came up nil. All I can say is that from what I've inferred from context, VDT is a type addictive drug people use in Zion, or some shit. In any case, Neo decides that he wants to operate the Logos to go to the machine city and negotiate with it's inhabitance while everyone else goes back to Zion operating the Hammer. They splinter off and it doesn't take long before Bane kills the crew's nurse, escapes and hijacks the Logos to attack Trinity and Neo. Neo's eyes are burnt out but he still somehow has the ability to see shit without it, thus making him blind a pointless plot element that didn't need to happen and only raises even more questions than before. Apparently he can see electrical charges and thermal heat, which means that he's barely able to navigate through the machine city but manages it anyway.

Meanwhile, the sentinels have made their way down to Zion via drilling, which is monumentally fucking stupid when you think about it. Okay, here's the thing, they know where Zion is, they know how to get there, meaning that they also know where the main gates are, which is an undeniable fact that's proven during the third act when another wave enters Zion straight through the gate after the Hammer arrives through it and the crew activates their ship's EMP module, so why didn't they just go there to begin with? Don't tell me that it's because they didn't know about it until they followed the Hammer to the gate and they transmitted the data to other sentinels; we were given an example of how long a transmission from one droid to another takes in the Animatrix segment "Matriculated", where the transmission takes so long that the freedom fighters in the segment had enough time to discuss ethics and convert a droid long before their location was exposed to other droids despite the fact that the transmission process had initiated prior to the droids having ever entered the base, so between the time lapse of transmitting data between one droid to another and the fact that immediately after arriving to the gate, the Hammer's EMP module was activated so any such transmission would have been abruptly interrupted and the connection would have dropped long before any other droids would have ever seen it. Furthermore, it's been made clearly apparent by the Architect that they've done this five times before and they know Zion inside and out, so they already knew where the gate was. "We've become exceedingly efficient at it" my ass. If you've become so efficient at it, then why did you drill into a spot where you apparently knew, ahead of time, that there was a big metal plate that would stall progress in your way? Think about it, there exists a completely hollowed out sewer with an iron gate that's maybe five feet thick, but surely it's not something that a few bombs couldn't penetrate and it easily qualifies as being a more practical way of entering Zion than drilling entire miles into the dirt, something of which was almost thwarted midway and only because of the happenstance that one of your former agents possessed the body of a hacker who happened to be part of one out of the many crews that could have been selected for the mission. This could have gone so wrong for you in so many ways and don't tell me that Bane being turned into a plant was a contingency plan from the very beginning, his objective was purely self serving evidenced by the fact that he tried to convince his Captain to go into the sewers for the purpose of being one of two crews out looking for the Nebuchadnezzar; his intent was never to sabotage Zion, only to kill Neo. The only reason he had that opportunity to sabotage the other crews was because his Captain told him to go fuck himself when he suggested helping in searching for the Nebuchadnezzar, he was forced into attacking the drills. If he had his way, he would've found Neo and killed him long before he ever thought about helping the machine empire, and if you're going to use that as a point as to why Smith could be used as a bargaining chip for when Neo arrives at Zero-One, I'll stress the point again where the Oracle outright said that the system was deliberately using Smith as a means to beat Neo which means that they want him the way he is which means that when Neo arrives at Zero-One, they should have blown him off. The point I'm making here isn't that there's a misconception over what's happening, my point was that there's a number of massive inconsistencies with these films. One minute you're expected to believe that he's still loyal to the machine empire and the next you're expected to believe that he has a complete disregard for it, and no, he's not chaotic-neutral either, that point is disregarded by, again, the exposition given by the Oracle from earlier that states that his rampage is a deliberate attempt from the Matrix at defeating Neo. 

Furthermore, what's to stop Smith from causing a mass wake-up in the incubator fields and causing everyone, and by everyone I mean copies of himself, to escape? I mean, he motherfucking hates the Matrix and would do anything to escape or destroy it and it's not like he's limited by boundaries; not only has he escaped through someone else before but having previously served the system and displaying an expertise in keeping someone asleep, he therefore has the knowledge to wake someone up and even if he didn't have that knowledge before, he's absorbed the Oracle so that means that he does have that knowledge now and that also means he has the foresight to know that to continue screwing with Neo would actually work to completely undo him. Therefore it shouldn't come as a problem to him to just escape and screw over his overlords, considering how he's supposedly a nihilist who wants them dead too, right? You could argue that would be counter productive and it would reduce his own numbers within the Matrix and therefore make him too weak to infect other systems, but consider this, he's infected programs as well and not just humans, matter of fact there's a scene where you watch him assimilate Seraph and the Oracle; that means that even though his numbers would be lowered, he's still present in the Matrix and has broken power over the system because, as far as we know, he's assimilated every program within the system which means all the humans he overwrote don't matter worth a shit anyway, so causing them to climb out of their incubators and commit mass suicide would serve to his advantage by causing a short term energy crisis which would therefore give him leverage to infect other systems. And if you think that it would be counterproductive for him to destroy the power source that the machine empire depends upon as it's his only leverage for not being deleted because of some contrived bullshit about the Matrix becoming expendable after the mass suicide thus threatening his very existence, consider that they have other resources that they can resort to and don't need the incubation system at all to begin with meaning that the Matrix is expendable anyway and it doesn't matter whether he does it or not because I call bullshit, and by "bullshit" I mean "plothole".

Jesus fucking Christ, even the mindless action scenes create plotholes, somebody help me, I'm in Hell! Where was I? Oh yeah, remember those idiotic mechs that I bitched about from Reloaded? Yeah, apparently that design flaw actually does indeed make you vulnerable to, well, anything ranging from being bonked on the head, sliced to pieces or just falling out of the mech to a five hundred foot drop, so everybody dies. The Hammer eventually makes it back to Zion to trigger their EMP blast and effectively end the battle then and there. But the remnants of the nearly wiped out crew are berated by Commander Lock because the EMP blast shut down all of their utilities and weapons leaving them vulnerable to a second wave. I sure hope you guys had a contingency plan for this, like say, I dunno, another EMP bomb? No? Fuck you movie. Sure enough, another swarm floods in through the gate that the Hammer flew through and not through the giant holes they spent extensive amounts of time digging. What was the point of that? Oh right, impending doom cliche that doesn't fit into the context. Gotchya.

After Neo and Trinity make mashed potatoes out of Bane's grey meats, they arrive at Zero-One and they end up crashing into a building thus killing Trinity. So much for the Oracle's prediction that Morpheus was gonna die for Neo, turns out it was Trinity. It's all very sad and I just don't give a shit by this point. I hate these movies so much it's inconceivable to tolerate them much longer than this. So Neo uses his, I dunno, the true sight from Constantine, to find his way to this giant megalo-death machine that rips off the "Only" music video from Nine Inch Nails by forming a human face using a bunch of little robots. He negotiates with the machine that he can deal with Smith before he breaches his boundaries and starts taking control of sentinels and other servers outside the Matrix, to which the giant Trent Reznor face yells "We don't need you! We need nothing!", see I told you this was a massive waste of time. Trent Reznor finally agrees to Neo's terms and asks "And if you fail?", to which Neo responds to by saying "I won't", but I remember this conversation going down very differently years ago. You see, I've seen this movie before when I was about ten years old and I distinctively remember Neo saying "Kill me" as a response to that particular question, which would have explained why assimilating Neo would have killed Smith during the final act because Neo requested that if he failed that he be killed, meaning that since he's failed by becoming part of Smith, Smith is then killed because Smith and Neo are now the same entity, but apparently that's not the case, in which case, that means that the misconceived vomit of my thoughts resulted in being smarter than the years of careful planning it took to write this movie. My mistake was more intelligent than what was intended. These movies are dumb on a monumental scale.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


Cut to the next morning when the crew who's been ambushed by Smith hand Neo the message they received from the Oracle. The Crew decides to board the Nebuchadnezzar when Bane attempts to murder Neo when his assassination attempt is foiled by Kid running up to Neo calling for his attention from behind Bane and you know what, back up, I'm sorry but despite how much I like this plot device, you can't excuse this major plothole; when Smith assimilated Bane, wouldn't the operator have noticed some radical changes in Bane's coding in the Matrix? Even if that were overlooked, don't tell me that Bane's fellow crew members haven't noticed the bizarre and sudden changes in Bane's personality, even if Smith can assimilate all the memories of the people he assimilates, you never really do get to see him act like Bane, to which I mean to say that he never really makes an effort to conceal his true identity. Hell, you even get to watch him compulsively gut into his own hand with the same knife he tries to use to kill Neo with and later it's noted that he's covered in these kind of self inflicted wounds, where'd he find the time and the privacy to that? How would he have gone about concealing the fact that he's bleeding basically all the time? He almost gets caught when he shakes Neo's hand while his own hand is still swamped with his own blood, and when he wishes Neo good luck, he refers to himself as "we", so you see, he's deliberately hinting toward the fact that he's fucking Smith. He's obviously too consumed with the experience of being human to pull any of this off without being noticed, yet simultaneously he manages to drift beneath the radar the whole time. Bullshit. Well in any case, when Kid addresses Neo and the Nebuchadnezzar crew, they turn around to see Bane, they ask him what he's doing, he responds by wishing them good luck and walking off as Kid approaches them. It sure is a good thing that Kid is such an attention grabber, otherwise Neo might have realized that his hand is covered in Bane's blood. Seriously, that fact is never addressed. I guess it just dries on his hands and when he finally does notice it he thinks nothing of it and assumes he was too sloppy with the pasta he ate, or some shit.

In the next scene, it turns out that Commander Lock is pissed that Councilor Homann gave the green light to let Morpheus and the rest of the Nebuchadnezzar crew enter the sewers and try to contact the Oracle again. Lock then begs the question as to whether or not his authority actually amounts to anything, to which Homann says "sure.", to which Lock says "Okay, so why are you sipping mah Kool-aid?", to which Homann responds "Because your authority does amount to something; shit."

In the next scene, Neo is injected into the Matrix to meet with the Oracle, whom of which has a new bodyguard named Seraph who unlike all the other programs, has gold coding instead of green, indicating that he's been created with a different programming language and no, this has no relevance or bearing to the plot whatsoever. I've actually heard theories that Seraph is the immortalized consciousness of a previous "One" and his gold coding is the reason for that, meaning to say that Gold coding indicates a human mind having been turned into a program. But no, Seraph's existence goes on unexplained all throughout both movies he's present in, so that hypothesis is mere fan speculation. All we know is that Seraph kicks ass and he acts as a PC login screen who only allows people in with the proper credentials, in this case, those credentials are verified through your fighting ability, if you're anything short of the "One" in terms of fighting capabilities, then access denied. Neo wins and Seraph escorts him into a backdoor, which is Matrix speak for quick referencing in coding.

Finally we get to see the Oracle and she exposits that she knows the reason why Neo is having nightmares of people dying and that she'll elaborate after they get the obvious shit out of the way; she's a program who could be working in the best interests of the machine empire and not the people of Zion, so how could Neo trust her? She outright tells him that there's no way of knowing that and it's completely up to him, she then hands him some hard candy that's totally not encrypted to rewrite Neo's brain chemistry, something of which is a prevalent note later on in the film. He states that there's no point in merely offering it to him since she already knows that he'll take it, so she may as well just smash into his mouth because he very basically has no choice in the matter to which the Oracle rebukes by saying that he's not here to make a choice, he's already made it, he's here now to understand it, to which Neo accepts by taking the candy. Well, that's horseshit, Neo didn't make the choice, if he did then that would mean that the candy would already have been in his hands, but he's yet to take it, which means he's contemplating whether he should or shouldn't take it. Fact is, the choice isn't made until the action that follows is complete. He then proceeds to ask why the Oracle is here and why she's helping them, I know the reason but since that doesn't become apparent until Revolutions I'll keep it under my belt for now, so she responds, rather hamfistedly I might add, that "We're all here to fulfill our destiny" or some shit. She elaborates to explain she has a much less contrived and suspicious motive than "We're all here to fulfill our destiny", but rather that she believes that the machines cannot advance forward without humanity and vice versa and so it's in her best interest to get the two to come together in peace and make sweet, sweaty, oily, teeth-grindingly painful technophilia porn. Neo then asks if there are other programs like her, to which she replies "Yeah, but they're not nearly as awesome as me" and she goes on to explain that what constitutes paranormal activity such as vampires, ghosts, werewolves and demons are earlier programs that became obsolete and after their escape from termination they became famous for their specific techniques and weaknesses. She also goes on to explain that whenever these programs escape termination the Matrix will conjure up stories about them as an explanation to any given human who might come across them. She has Neo explain to her the nature of his nightmares and this is the part where she gives an explanation that actually raises more questions than it answers; she exposits that "You have the sight now, Neo". Okay, what is the "sight"? How does he have it? Where did it come from? How is it that he can use it outside and only ever use it outside the Matrix? All we get for an answer is "You are looking at the world without time", okay, what the Hell does that mean? Are you saying that he's looking at a version of the world that's devoid of time and he can view the future through that world because it's not bound by a linear structure and therefore events from different time periods can be seen at any given time regardless of when or where you live? Are you saying that he himself has become devoid of time and can therefore see the future because he partly exists outside the limitations of the universe? Or was it that hash brownie you fed him to rewrite his brain chemistry to let him in on the fact that you've been manipulating everyone up to the point where what happens is undeniable and unavoidable? Neo asks why he can only see fractions of the vision and not see it in it's entirety so that he can rest on or expect a conclusion, to which the Oracle replies by regurgitating the same "You've already made the choice" bullshit in a format that tells him that "We can never see past the choices we can't understand" even though if he made the choice that would therefore mean he had to have conceived the choice and the motives behind it prior to making the choice, therefore meaning that her cryptic and confusing explanation is horseshit. Oh cut it with this "choice" crap, you've been manipulating everything from the very beginning. You feed the freedom fighters programmed food items that were created with the specific purpose of rewriting their brain chemistry so that they'll follow you like the sheep they are, your specific purpose for existing is having an expertise over human psychology, don't you dare tell me for one second that this shit wasn't preordained and they ever had a choice in the matter you manipulative sack of shit. That right there is the reason why Neo can see visions of Trinity dying, if only he got a useful vision, like the one of Bane going on a killing spree and proceeding to blind him by cauterizing his eyes.

Finally she says something that's worth hearing, she tells Neo that he can save Zion if he gets another program called the Keymaker to help him get to "the source", but he'll need to retrieve the Keymaker from another dangerous rogue program called the Merovingian who's so dangerous that not even the new agents can take him down by means of gangraping him, which makes no sense when you think about it. I mean, the Merovingian is outdated, meaning that all the new programs supersede him in power which means that if he's one of the oldest then he, just like the Oracle, should amount to being only a little more than everybody's bitch. That's the reason why the Oracle needs somebody like Seraph, because she's virtually defenseless. But then again, I live in a world where Windows XP was made to be replaced by a failure called Windows Vista, so I guess it goes without saying that newer doesn't always = better.

Speaking of which, after the Oracle and Seraph depart from Neo, Neo is confronted with a renewed Smith who claims that he's no longer tied to the restraints of his fellow agents for reasons that are oblivious to everyone, even himself. And no, this doesn't explain why he only chose to possess a hacker now, his exposition implies that he's merely no longer obligated to serve the system, not that he's gained new capabilities. He exposits that even though he's no longer obligated to serve the system, he thinks that he's able to do the things that he's done and is going to do only because he's allowed to do it and he's fulfilling his purpose by doing it because if he weren't allowed to do it, he'd be deleted. Smith also believes that similarly, Neo is only allowed to do what he's doing because it serves the agenda of a higher being and that whether they want to or not, they have to fight. Interesting, it's a lie, but still interesting. Smith then attempts at assimilating Neo, which Neo repels. You know, I wonder if Neo couldn't copy his own consciousness by using a copy of Smith as a catalyst by means of reverse assimilation. Meh. Then another one of my favorite scenes in the movie happens. These action scenes are basically my favorite because they're not self contradictory or just plain cryptic, they're easily the only enjoyable part of the movie and by God they are fun to watch. If only Dragon Ball Z fight scenes were this articulated and structured. Neo eventually gets weighed down by the mass number of Smith clones that he's having to fight and it makes me wonder, is he creating these clones of himself from scratch or is he having to overwrite lots and lots of people to do it? I know that his primary method is by assimilating other people and programs but they just pour into the fight scene from nowhere like they were copy/pasta'd a bunch of times. Speaking of which, what's preventing him from doing just that? Couldn't you theoretically build an entire army just on that one principle? I mean, the concept of copying a file is not uncommon or even new for that matter. Another agent pops in seeing the action and ends up getting assimilated by Smith, which raises another in a long line of questions; how has Smith remained under the radar after assimilating so many people and programs? You'd think that every agent would be aware of his presence and go on a mass rampage against the self building Smith army to suppress growth and eventually delete the original. I mean, with programs like the Oracle, Seraph, the Keymaker and the Merovingian, it's understandable because there's only one of each and even then it's hard to not get caught, but here, there's hundreds of Smith clones. I would agree that what Smith said was right, but the agent was surprised to see him, as in the "I thought you were dead" kind of surprised.

Well, in any case, Neo breaks free from the mob and escapes to an exit where he tells his fellow crew members that he felt as though he was about to die. Cut to Commander Lock pleading his counter attack plan to the Council, stating that the sentinels are likely to attack specific areas of their sewer complex and that they should use the explosively pumped flux compression generators on their ships to fry the living Hell out the impending invasion of sentinels. The council gives him the go ahead to do so, but only under the condition that he find the Nebuchadnezzar first. This guy just can't catch a break can he? They even tell him to fraction off ships required for his plan to work to go find the Nebuchadnezzar, a task of which could take days even though it's likely they won't survive the following morning. Of course, his girlfriend, Captain Niobe answers the Council's call because she's a fickle bitch who still wants Morpheus despite the fact that she broke it off with him and is with someone else. Poor Lock, you gotta wonder why this poor schlup even exists, he's probably wondering why he even exists. Oh right, we're supposed to hate him in favor of Morpheus, but again, I don't.

In the next scene Trinity, Morpheus and Neo are seen entering a French restaurant where the Merovingian lives, where it's revealed that he's a program trafficker and when they meet the Merovingian he goes on a rant of cause and effect. To those of you who don't understand what he's saying, he's basically saying that humans are basically of the same ilk as programs; both are devoid of actual free will and can't truly think outside of their parameters but have to select from a list of psychologically preordained responses by systematically deducting which one is the most logically appropriate in the current circumstance, which confirms my findings in the Oracle's manipulation and her method of doing it being the various junk food she crams into everyone's mouth, especially when the Merovingian outright explains that food in the Matrix can be programmed to brainwash someone with a demonstration of orgasmicake. He promptly tells the trio to go fuck themselves and gets up from his chair to follow the human woman to the bathroom. Why a program would be sexually interested in a human being considering how programs are all devoid of a libido, much less a bladder to make up excuses with, is beyond me.

After the trio are kicked out of the restaurant, they meet the Merovingian's wife. Yeah he, and by "he" I mean a genderless program who's avatar is designed to appear as though he's male, has a wife. Look, I understand the necessitation of having the agents and programs look like humans to blend into their environment so as to not cause a mass revelation thus causing everyone to wake up in their incubators, but why do they identify themselves as men and women when they clearly aren't? Why are they interested in sex despite the fact that nothing necessitates that an agent require a libido that needs to be regularly satisfied? Why are they interested in romance? At least with the Oracle, you could explain her personality traits by the fact that she's designed specifically for the purpose of understanding human psychology and therefore acts like a human as per her purpose, but here it's just complete nonsense. In any case, she says that if they ever want to find the Keymaker, Neo has to smooch her up, in front of Trinity no less, to satisfy her need to feel loved or some shit. Makes no sense to me but fine, whatever. Neo complies and everybody fucking loathes this bitch.

She brings the trio to the Keymaker where they're eventually found out by the Merovingian. Yeah, long story short, she told one of the guards to tell him about it, because pissing off your sole protector from termination is way more important than self preservation. As you can imagine, Neo topples the entirety of the Merovingian's gang while Trinity, Morpheus and the Keymaker outrun two other programs who have the ability to become ghosts. This chase scene is full of awesome but sadly there's just not much to talk about here so I'll move on to the point where they make their way to the "source".

Hey, wouldn't you know it, the movie's almost over! I love that chase scene on so many levels. In the next scene we see Commander Lock briefly discussing the circumstances with his crew. In the next scene the Keymaker exposits to Neo, Morpheus and the other two crews that were sent after them earlier that there's a room inside the building they're in that can only be accessed under special circumstances, if they can trigger all the right sequences during the right times, they can access the source. This requires them to shut down a power station and a backup generator. In the process, one of two of the other crew's are destroyed and the team needed to disable the emergency grid are killed when, get this, one of the crew members with a broken leg missteps across a bridge installed in the ship and the bridge breaks in half not just hurting the crippled guy but also killing the other operator when the bridge impales him. That is so ridiculous and nonsensical, that I just have to ask, does anybody maintain these fucking ships? Maybe they oughta make sure that their ships are structurally sound considering how they're decades old. This death scene isn't even necessary because the sentinels proceed to blow up the ship immediately after by flinging a bomb at it. They could've had that happen without the ship breaking apart and killing the conscious members of the crew first. Furthermore, why is there a man with a busted leg managing a warship? I'd imagine that the last person I'd want to manage a ship for me while I sleep would be a guy who can't even walk without depending entirely on the railings to aid him as he does it.

Regardless of how stupid that was, it's up to Trinity to shut down the emergency grid herself, which she does in the exact way that Neo had envisioned in his sleep. I've already addressed how utterly impossible this is already, if I go on another tangent regarding the matter, this review will never end and I want to stop hurting. On their way to the source, Neo and Morpheus run into, yet again, Smith. How he even got here is beyond me, it takes a special set of circumstances for anybody to end up here, how he and his entire army of clones even got here without following directly behind Neo, Morpheus and the Keymaker is beyond me and don't tell me that was how it happened because Smith appears from in front of them as though he were waiting there the whole time, not behind. Trinity shuts down the emergency grid just in time for Neo, Morpheus and the Keymaker to make it to their destination, but not before the Keymaker is shot to shits and giggles. During his death scene, he points to two different doors in the room, one that Morpheus can exit through one door and Neo can go see the source through the other. Now hang on a minute, why should Morpheus have to go home? He's been through this more than anybody and he came through to the end risking life, limb and assimilation. He deserves to see the source more than anybody, so why doesn't he get to? Bullshit. The conversation that transpires later on would have been so much more interesting if it were Morpheus in Neo's place, because at least, unlike Neo, Morpheus has an actual personality and identity to him, Neo's just as much of the blank slate that he's always been so he's willing to accept whatever comes his way without challenge; if you don't believe in something, you'll be fooled by anything. Morpheus would have at least debated with the Architect a little, he has beliefs, denials and expectations. The conversation that Neo and the Architect share is completely one sided and it's just empty.

Speaking of which, during that conversation, I wonder what would've happened if Neo just started beating up on the Architect. I mean, think about it, what would happen if you deleted the thing which designed and created the Matrix? Whatever, I'm so done with this movie. Neo decides to ask the Architect "who are you", although I personally would have had him answer all the questions I asked all throughout these three reviews first and foremost, those answers are long overdue. The Architect explains that he created the Matrix and it was good, perfect in fact. Well, it was as perfect as it could ever get; you see, the reason why his system regurgitates some people is because people have the natural ability to adapt to their environment, ergo, people were able to easily defect from the original version of the Matrix and escape which is where the first inhabitance of Zion came from. However, although it is irritating, the regurgitation appears to be systematic and therefore it is not beyond regulation. So the Matrix was recreated in the image of 1999 to seem more realistic to the people who were grown in tubes, were never conscious a day in their lives and therefore couldn't possibly have a predetermined standard over reality and therefore lack the ability to recognize their reality as being false and therefore it would be impossible for them to escape their reality. Ludicrous, I know. He then goes on to elaborate that the Matrix is far older than he knows and that there were five other "Ones" before him which comes as a shock to Neo. As it turns out, the regurgitation process is indeed regulated with intense and complicated measures of manipulation and rewriting brain chemistry with spiked booze, only on a much grander scale than merely putting people back into the Matrix and erasing their memories for every time they wake up, and the reason why they don't just do that all the time instead of allowing for a full scale cold war break loose is beyond me. That's what they did with Dan Davis, so why not everybody else? I mean, this is so dumb on so many levels. You mean to tell me that there have been six cold wars all of which are, predetermined by design and constantly managed to go just their way despite their knowledge and acknowledgement of the fact that it's because of human adaptability that their system failed to begin with, identical to each other and they each ended up the same way with having the "One" admit defeat and selecting 23 people to not just live in Zion, not just rebuild the ruins of Zion but to also kickstart the rebellion all over again? I agree with Neo, "Bullshit!". Here's an idea, every time there's an anomaly who rejects the Matrix and wakes up from it, kill them. Don't bother with letting them set up an entire civilization and starting a rebellion against you that you intend to crush anyway, just kill them.

You know, I might have accepted the idea of them doing this if it weren't for their motive; I was half expecting the Architect to tell Neo that the only reason they even allow for a human rebellion to even exist to begin with is because they want to use the anomalies as a seqway to advance themselves in their own personal pursuit of self advancement, after all, it would have only made sense considering how Smith made a point of saying that their circumstance was all about evolution in the first movie by comparing humans to dinosaurs. Neo only ever fights the upgraded versions of the agents after he killed one and in "The Second Renaissance" the machines didn't really start improving upon their own technology until it was necessitated by war. In the words of a good friend of mine, "Peace stagnates, war progresses". But no, that might have actually made some fucking sense. I hate the Matrix, I really do.

Well in any case, the Architect threatens Neo by saying that if Neo doesn't comply with his demands to rebuild Zion and select 23 other people to rebuild Zion with, the machine mainframe will result in, for unexplained reasons, a cataclysmic system crash killing every human being still injected into the Matrix through the incubation system which while being coupled with the loss of Zion will result in the extinction of the entire human race. Neo states that to let such a monumentally stupid thing to happen would result in them losing their primary source of electricity to which the Architect rebukes by saying that there are measures of survival that they're willing to resort to. Wait, what? Really? Well if that's the case, then why use humans at all then? He's not lying either, he actually eggs Neo on to not save Zion and take the alternative to save Trinity; he wants Neo to crush his own species. Jesus Christ, you're pretty much just keeping your one enemy alive for literally no good reason. What's the point? This is so fucking stupid and to think, I'm not even to the worst of the bunch yet.

Okay, so the Architect explains that Trinity is about to be killed and Neo has a choice between two doors, one to save Trinity and bring about the extinction of the human species and the other to save Zion and the human species. Of course, not being a believer in the Architects horseshit, but still skeptical nonetheless, Neo decides to go Smith on his ass and copies himself so that he can take both choices. Nah, that would have been awesome and it would have made way more sense for later on when Neo is able to control sentinels outside the Matrix. Of course he goes to save Trinity, pulls the bullet out of her chest and heals her because, why not, they did it in the first movie so why not here. Hey, at least it makes leaps and bounds more sense here than it did in the first movie where Neo was brought back through a kiss and not literal healing.

After Neo and Trinity find an exit point, Neo tells Morpheus the truth about their reason to exist, which is followed by an ambush by some sentinels throwing a bomb at the Nebuchadnezzar and the way they do it is so stupid. Basically put, instead of just shooting the damn thing, the sentinels spin around as fast as they can and fling the bomb at their target. Not only does that give time for your target to move the fuck out of the way, but it also gives them enough time to repel the attack, which they don't. Seriously, why don't they just drive the Nebuchadnezzar toward the sentinel and activate their electromagnetic pulse mechanism once they're in range? Hell, even if you couldn't do it to the sentinels themselves, why not use it for just the bomb once it comes into range? Even if you had to abandon ship after the fact, your ship wouldn't be completely trashed and you could in theory go back to it and make an escape. I guess we can just chalk that up to the list of things that make no fucking sense in these movies.

So they evacuate, watch as the Nebuchadnezzar burns to the ground and when the sentinels come after them, Neo holds out his palm to the group and they all drop to the ground like they had just been hit with a blast from an explosively pumped flux compression generator and Neo drops to the ground, indicating that he did it. You see, this new super power of his is never explained in either this movie or Revolutions. They're soon discovered by another ship called the Hammer who's captain notes that the counter attack planned by Lock had failed due to the fact that someone triggered the EMP mechanism prematurely and downed all five ships, causing them to basically get eaten alive by sentinels leaving only one survivor behind, who just so happens to be Bane. See, this is all Morpheus' fault, if he hadn't goaded that crew into staying behind to wait for the Oracle, Bane wouldn't have been put at risk, Smith wouldn't be walking around in his body and the counter attack would have gone swimmingly and the war could have been prevented. Fuck the Oracle. Also, question, how would the sentinels have known that Bane was actually Smith? I don't think the machines could have or would have distinguished him from the others with all things considered, you know, like flesh and bone for example? Fuck it, the movie's over. Now I can move on to Matrix Revolutions.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


I want to clarify that I don't hate the Matrix franchise because I want to, matter of fact, I wanted to like these movies. When I was a preteen years ago and I first watched these movies, I fell in love with them, I loved the special effects, I loved the philosophy, I loved the mythology and I even loved the science. But alas, this was during a time where I did not possess the cognitive capacity nor the knowledge I have today to properly judge these movies and their quality. I had stupid goggles on. But now that my mental capacity is nearing it's peak, my knowledge has expanded leaps and bounds beyond that which I previously had and I've been exposed to true quality material, such as the actual Allegory of the Cave, I can safely say that these movies are irrevocably stupid, which is a shame because they have lots and lots of good ideas that are never fully fleshed out and are only explored to a shallow extent. Not even my nostalgia, with of it's might, can keep a grip over the leash that is my overwhelming hate for unsound inconsistency in something that's supposed to be structured and articulated. With that being said, this particular installment is... not that bad. Really, I don't see why people think that Reloaded ruined the Matrix franchise, it's easily the best-- I'm sorry, let me rephrase that; the only remotely good one out of all four of them. But you know what, the fact that the third one just so happens to be the best is actually quite sad, because the reason why it's good isn't because it concentrates on the science or mythology aspect, but because it has a massive emphasis on action. Hardly any of it builds on it's own mythology, it's geared toward the end and for what it's worth, it actually ends up creating more questions than it answers. Allow me to elaborate.

The movie opens on Neo having a dream vision of Trinity invading an office building, causing an explosion that very well could have killed dozens of innocent people, beating up on the very same people who almost died, being chased by an agent out of a window after making it up to one of the upper floors and shooting at the agent as they both free fall and despite the fact that there's no conceivable way for an agent to dodge anything while free falling, the bullets emitting from the sub-machine guns miss him completely. You know, if this agent were like the Hollow Man twins we see earlier, then I could understand as they can become transparent and lose their corporeal forms, but this guy is a standard agent who's able to dodge bullets just because he's really fast, which considering how he doesn't have any footing to do so, I find it hard-- nay, impossible to believe that Trinity could possibly miss this many times while simultaneously the program with no particularly special capabilities only needs to shoot once or twice before he makes his mark, despite the fact that the wind current should have served as a massive disadvantage to the agent and therefore as an advantage to Trinity. And no, this isn't just a dream, this happens again later and when it happens, it's reality.

Neo wakes up from the nightmare that is the nonsense that we just witnessed and we're introduced to who I think is the track runner from the "World Record" segment of Animatrix. I dunno, it seems like him, he wear's his hair just the same way with dreadlocks held back to form a pony tail. But then, wouldn't that mean that this guy couldn't walk? I mean, it's explained in the first movie that whatever kind of injury you sustain in the Matrix will be transferred to your corporeal body, so either this guy's getup is incidental and they're not the same guy, or it is him and the fact that he's not crippled is a massive plothole. Either way, his name is apparently Link and he's serving as a one man replacement for more than half of the original crew, including Tank who died offscreen. Nice. Don't you just love it when significant characters don't even get a real final goodbye? You do? Well fuck you, I don't.

Neo is seen going to what I can only guess is the cafeteria, who is then in turn followed by Trinity who begs the question "Still can't sleep?", which Neo replies by saying that he's confused and afraid, Hell, if I lived in the Matrix universe, I would be too. Oh, not because of the mechanical tentacle monsters from Hell, no I could handle that, it's the plotholes that get me. Trinity reassures Neo that he'll get an opportunity to talk with the Oracle soon enough which is then interrupted by Link telling them that they're late for a meeting that's not being held in the safety and security that is Zion, but rather the extremely dangerous and deadly environment that is the Matrix, because when I think of having a board meeting where we need to discuss and debate plans for extensive and unpredictable amounts of time, a disruptive, nightmarish and often chaotic Hellhole like the Matrix would totally be at the top of the list of places I would deem safe, secure and appropriate to start discussing contingency plans. Don't they know that they're in a place where their enemy could spy on and hear the entirety of their discussion? That's like going into somebody's backyard to discuss plans to commit a home invasion, you're bound to be caught by the very same people you intend to screw over.

The person hosting the meeting, Captain Niobe, tosses a group of photos onto a table stating that these photo's confirm that the machines are digging directly above Zion, she also mentions that these photos were sent by the Osiris, a tidbit of which is one of the multiple reasons as to why Reloaded qualifies as the third movie in the series. They debate the legitimacy of the photos saying that the photos suggest that 250,000 sentinels are on the rampage and for whatever reason, despite the fact that they pretty much dominate the planet, would somehow be impossible. Morpheus, Neo and Trinity join the party, Morpheus noting that this tactic makes sense because that's exactly the same number of people who live in Zion. How it's possible for the machines to know the exact populace of Zion is beyond me, that would suggest that however many offspring are created inside Zion are being monitored at all times, which raises another question, why were the Agents so hard on for the password to Zion's mainframe computer in the first film? What necessitates their desire to have it? In that movie it was implied that they couldn't locate Zion without it, but by the end of this movie, it's implied that Zion's mainframe computer was a plant that the machines created from the very beginning, so by all means they should already have access to it. They already know the location of Zion and how to get to it, so even if they didn't have access to Zion's mainframe computer, why would they give a shit about such a thing to begin with when it's not even a necessity? 

In any case, Morpheus apologizes for his late arrival to the meeting, stating that it's becoming increasingly difficult to secure a broadcast signal without being found and attacked by the sentinels, another in a long line of good reasons to NOT USE THE FUCKING MATRIX TO HOLD MEETINGS. I have to ask, what if they were invaded then and there? They'd have to make time to let everybody get to an exit point, let them escape while not getting killed and activate the EMP bomb their ship is equipped with making sure everyone has escaped or else somebody will die. This not only seems impractical, it's outright dangerous on multiple levels.

They then exposit that they've yet to formulate a plan for the incoming invasion. Um, here's a good plan, you guys obviously have the expertise to build a machine that creates a non-nuclear electromagnetic pulse right? Build a giant version of one of those to increase the range, shut down all of your facilities, wait for the machines to breach the walls and activate the explosively pumped flux compression generator or whatever the Hell you use and cause a mass deactivation to all the sentinels invading, including the drills. I mean, come on, you've already admitted that this is not only your best weapon, but it's your only effective weapon. So why not? Sounds solid to me. Better yet, create a whole bunch of little ones and layer Zion and the sewers with them and give them the same kind of radar technology you guys use for detecting sentinels and have them only self activate upon detecting them. Could you just imagine what a massacre it would be to see such a feat? A quarter million sentinels just dropping to the ground. Their lifestyle would be so much safer too, if one of their ships gets damaged in the sewers and they have to land outside of Zion, they could spend time on repairing it knowing that they're surrounded in non-nuclear electromagnetic pulse bombs that'll only activate if a sentinel gets near them. Of course they'd never do that because logic is for pussies, real men run around in mechas that leave the pilot exposed to either fall out to his death or get shot in the head bringing the whole mech down with minimum opposition, now that's badass, the whole NNEMP and zero casualties thing is for nerds and fags.

As it turns out, an agent found their location and led three other ones after him to the meeting, what a shock, so Neo has to deal with the three that followed whom of which he exposits are upgrades from the original agents he's used to fighting. Imagine what this situation would be like if Neo wasn't here; everybody would be royally and completely fucked, no lube and up the ass. This is so stupid. So instead of outright deleting the three upgraded agents, Neo decides to jump out into the stratosphere and Superman his way over to the Oracle's apartment, leaving his comrades to fend for themselves against the three and possibly four monoliths of power. Neo goes into the apartment to find that it's completely empty as he begs the question "where are you?" and suddenly I feel like I'm watching Wrath from the 2003 adaptation of Fullmetal Alchemist; like Neo, Wrath was obsessed with finding a certain someone he identified with as a type of parental guide and he was willing to go out of his way to find her and take the consequences into complete disregard and flip the bird to anybody who gets hurt along the way. I'm sorry, but if I were Neo, my first course of action would be to twist and rip the heads off of each and every single one of those agents before I ever even considered leaving. It's not like it'd be impossible or anything, he once decompiled agent Smith by leaping into his body and reverse assimilating him during the end of the first Matrix movie. Oh yeah, apparently Smith is back and there's multiple copies of him, this is never explained all throughout the film. Yeah they just brought Smith back to appeal to popular demand. My guess is that Smith was never truly destroyed, just decompiled and after the fact he recompiled in such a way that turned him into a type of virus or some shit, but of course that's merely speculation and not a real answer because that's not what the film says. In any case, Smith is no longer underneath the same constraints as other agents as he can multiply as much as he wants.

In other news, everybody makes it out okay and they all return to Zion to have a meeting that's not potentially deadly and during this scene we get to see that annoying fucking mecha that I mentioned earlier, the one where the cockpit is not encased and leaves the pilot out in the open to either fall out or get killed, thus is the quickest way to disarm the mecha. You know, if there's anything that The Second Renaissance got right, it was that the people operating mechs were actually encased into the fucking things, meaning that they actually had some protection from being injured and I can't fucking believe that there's actually something that The Second Renaissance actually did competently when compared to any other movie. Any high expectations I had for this film have officially spiraled down the fucking toilet, which is sadly where those high expectations probably came from to begin with.

After the Nebuchadnezzar lands, we're introduced to three new characters, the first being Captain Mifune and the second being Commander Lock, Captain Mifune is only introduced through this scene for the purpose of giving context for his later scenes whereas Commander Lock exists for giving context to some mundane love triangle between himself, Morpheus and Captain Niobe that I couldn't give less of a shit about because I'm not big enough of a fan to own the videogame "Enter The Matrix". I only own these four movies because I saw them for sell in a four disc pack for ten dollars at Wallmart. Speaking of Enter The Matrix, yeah, I was okay with Animatrix having plot elements that were relevant to Reloaded because Animatrix was developed for the same art medium as Reloaded was, I didn't have to buy an entirely different three hundred dollar machine to watch it with, nor did I have to actively participate in the story where the ending was determined by the quality of my performance in punching and smashing a series of buttons. When you chop out plot elements to a movie series and insert them into other formats, in the words of a good friend of mine, "you have failed your franchise". The third character is-- no, for the final time, that's not Mouse, Mouse was the first hacker who died in the first movie via being shot to death, this is Michael Karl Popper from "Kid's Story" from Animatrix,  who is now named "Kid". Neo's apparently annoyed by Kid as Kid has a major fancrush on Neo after Neo saved his life, to which Neo rebukes that he didn't save Kid's life, Kid saved his own. You know, I know that when Kid committed suicide that he woke himself up out of the Matrix, but don't act like you weren't involved in his rescue. What, you expect me to believe that when he woke up inside the Nebuchadnezzar he had woken up there because he slept walk his way over to the Nebuchadnezzar, forced the doors open and fell asleep on the ship's operating table? There's also another major plothole involving Kid too, if he dropped himself off of the ledge of his school building and plunged to his death, by all means, shouldn't his corporeal body be dead too? I know that there's a thing that most people have where if they die in a dream that they'll wake up from it as a response, but that explanation doesn't work in this context, the first movie was all about establishing that if you get injured in the Matrix, your corporeal body is injured too, regardless of how stupid that is. At least with Link, provided he really is Dan Davis the track runner from "World Record" whereas according to Matrix Wiki he's a freeborn thus meaning he's never been in the Matrix, but then again that Wiki was written by fans of the Matrix and not the writers of the movies, you could debate that his legs aren't broken because upon escaping the Matrix again, he eventually learned how to manipulate the Matrix and fix his broken legs like he did before, such as how Neo fixed all the bullets he received to the chest in the first movie. Those two things make sense because those people learned how to manipulate the Matrix without first being dead. If Kid didn't really hit the pavement and make mashed potatoes out of his own skull, then why was he given a funeral when his body was apparently never found? After all, if he wakes up from the Matrix, that means his avatar disappears because his mind is no longer projecting a self image unto the Matrix. See where I'm going with this? How little these movies function with one another is astounding. In any case, after one of Lock's cronies tells Morpheus that he's been called to a meeting with Commander Lock, Kid explains to the other three crew members that he wants to become a crew member of the Nebuchadnezzar.

Jesus Christ, I'm only sixteen minutes into the film and look at all this fucking text! Look at all the fucked up plotholes I've already uncovered, if it keeps going like this, I'll never have this rev-- oh that's right, the film has a massive emphasis on fight scenes, this factor is only temporary. That means that large chunks of the film can't even really be talked about too much because they don't feature much for content. Well okay, let's continue.

In the meeting between Morpheus and Commander Lock, Lock berates Morpheus for being an incompetent and self serving douchebag because Morpheus had another ship remain behind to await the Oracles appearance, to which Morpheus rebukes by saying that the only way to win the war is to trust in the very, very manipulative program that, whether you like it or not, is a program and part of the Matrix and is very likely working for the Matrix and is pulling your leg with her pseudo-philosophical crap that has no context, rhyme or reason. Yeah, Lock has a good point, he's a higher ranking officer and one of his subordinates is defying orders, orders of which to keep all the ships on standby in Zion until a counter-attack to the impending invasion is formulated and if one of his underlings is controlling other subordinates to wait for contact from a very untrustworthy program that's part of the Matrix and is very most likely leading them on in favor of the machine empire, then how could he possibly trust that when a plan is formulated that it could be initiated if everybody else is being led on a wild goose chase? Commander Lock puts down Morpheus' retarded argument by saying that his opinion is not supreme to which Morpheus rebukes by saying "Yeah bitch, it is". Why Commander Lock doesn't discharge Morpheus as Captain of the Nebuchadnezzar here and now is beyond me, he's disobedient and his actions could lead to some gruesome results, which they do. Commander Lock tells Morpheus that he's going to recommend to his superiors that he'd be discharged as Captain of the Nebuchadnezzar and if he were in charge of such a thing, he would retire Morpheus. Oh, so that's why he can't fire him on the spot, so what's the point of having a Commander again? Well in any case, a higher ranking officer named Councilor Hamann enters the room to not decide Morpheus' fate, but to get both Lock's and Morpheus' opinion on how he should address Zion when he gives a public speech later on, of course he goes with Morpheus' advice and you can infer from context that Morpheus is totally keeping his job and Lock is nothing more than a cliche rival that you're meant to hate despite the fact that I often times find myself siding with him a lot.

Meanwhile, the crew members of the Nebuchadnezzar splinter off into their own directions followed by Neo being addressed and treated like a deity by everyone in Zion characterized by people basically praying to him to watch over crew members whom most of which are probably freeborns who don't enter the Matrix at all and only work as either pilots or operators. To top it all off, they actually brought him stuff as if they're paying him tribute. This is... I don't wanna say "deep" because that would actually attribute credibility to the Matrix, but it is interesting to see a bunch of people who are disillusioned from the Matrix treat another human being as a messiah figure despite the fact that everything they had ever held true in the Matrix, religion included, was a lie and such behavior should be beneath them. Neo has basically become Jesus. I guess this part touches on the whole "can't let go of the obvious lie because it's been the truth for entirely way too long" element that I bitched about only being a mere footnote in the first movie. Strangely enough, I approve. I know that it's only being briefly touched upon here too, but the difference that makes this acceptable is that the aspect isn't being directly addressed as it was in the first movie when Morpheus was trying to convince Neo that the air he was breathing was his own concept of limitation, here, it's being addressed through an undertone. This is probably the most intellectually impressive part of the entire movie and it even then, it still stems from the Allegory of the Cave.

After which, the meeting is held and when Hamann gets up to the podium, he decides to drop the ball and let Morpheus catch it, in other words, he puts Morpheus on the spot and makes him address the crowd with the issue of the invasion. He tells everybody that the machines are drilling directly down to Zion but not to worry because we're going to win just because! Yeah I don't buy it, especially not from a crackpot like Morpheus. Morpheus had a commanding presence that implied he was wise in the first film, but now that his position and opinions have been challenged and it turns out that he's not at the top of the food chain and there's a good chance that he's wrong in his pursuits, he's pretty much lost all credibility. Part of what convinces me that someone is a master of something is the idea that he in turn has no master of his own. But since people challenge his beliefs and he still follows the guidance of a program that's probably most certainly not rogue and is indeed working in the best interest of the machine empire, he's more sheep now than he his sheppard. I wouldn't want this guy leading me.

What follows is a rave from all the people in the announcement hall, as per suggestion of Morpheus. I can just imagine myself in that crowd when Morpheus said "Tonight, let us shake this cave. Tonight, let us tremble these halls of Earth, steel and stone. Let us be heard from red core to black sky" and I cut into his speech by shouting "ORGY!!!" followed by Morpheus pointing at me going "See, he's got the right idea!" and then everybody... um... spreads their legs apart and starts running up to each other and attacking each other... Mmm... Yes. Well that's what Neo and Trinity do anyway.

Meanwhile, the crew who are stationed in the sewers aren't having such a good time as it turns out that they've been contacted by the Oracle. However, they're being chased by Smith as they make their escape and Smith ends up assimilating the hacker named Bane and overwriting his consciousness with his own, thus exiting the Matrix through Bane's body. See, this is what he should have done with Morpheus from the beginning and don't you dare tell me that the agents aren't capable of doing this until after they become like Smith, even if it is limited to only one person at a time, the agents can assimilate anyone within the Matrix and no, it's never been specified that they had to have been connected to the Matrix through the Matrix's mainframe via the red incubators, just that so long as someone is in the Matrix, they could potentially be an agent and the tools the hackers use to access the Matrix with are no different than the one's the machines use for their incubators, if they were, that would mean that sustaining injuries in the Matrix wouldn't harm your corporeal body like it does in the red incubators; you'd be invincible. In other words, if there's that one exception, why not others? If they didn't have the ability to assimilate hackers before then, that should suggest that it's impossible regardless of the type of program being applied because assimilation would be the obvious tactic to go with considering that the circumstances both allow and demand for it. Is it just that the agents don't know that they can do that, or is it a massive plothole? The latter, obviously.

After Neo wakes up from another nightmare, which is implied to have been the scene of Bane getting possessed by Smith and seriously now, how is it that Neo is getting these dream visions? He's no longer in the Matrix, you can't just excuse it by saying "a program did it". These nightmares he has actually happen, sometimes as he's dreaming them as is the case with this particular one. That's impossible on three different levels. Let's count the ways, shall we? One; Neo is not connected to the Matrix during the periods in which he has these nightmares, so it's impossible for him to see what's going on in the Matrix on that time. Two; although this is fictional, it's heavily grounded in reality, sure it's a hypothetical reality, but it's still based on our current technological aspirations and tools nonetheless, with that in mind, clairvoyance does not compute in this context; the Matrix franchise has a heavy emphasis on science and philosophy, not paranormal activity. Matter of fact, the segment in Animatrix dubbed "Beyond" explains that all paranormal activity occurs in the Matrix and it's incidental to flawed and glitched coding, ergo, they gave a rational explanation to the phenomena, which further emphasizes on the first account of how clairvoyance is impossible. Three; no, they are not in another layer of the Matrix right now or anything to that extent of the word, there is no big revelation by the fourth movie that Zion and the machine empire are lies and that Neo and Trinity are actually machines who've won and are experiencing the human rebellion first hand as a life experience or anything like that; this really is reality and Neo really is having these visions, which is kinda sad because that ending would have been a good twist and would have beat the living shit out of the actual ending. I'm only 35 minutes into a 2 hour movie and there's already an overabundance of plotholes and literal impossibilities. One might say it's even in excess, which one would be right.

Well in any case, Neo stumbles out of his apartment to find lots of miscellaneous junk laying outside his door, because apparently people didn't get the hint when he didn't accept briberies the first time. As it turns out, Councilor Hamann is restless as well and he notes that this is probably the most content he's ever seen his people, but he still can't sleep because, well, he laments the fact that he's spent entire years being asleep. I share the same condition, but, not the sentiment. When Neo tells Hamann that he can't sleep just because, Hamann states that it's a good sign because regardless of the reason why he can't sleep, the fact that he can't implies that he still in fact human. Okay, I don't see how insomnia qualifies someone as being human, the machines have that too. I mean, I always thought that what qualified someone as a human was, you know, anatomy, biology and you know, stuff like that. I know that he probably means that the anxiety that Neo feels is what qualifies as a human, but he has no way of knowing that because Neo won't divulge that anxiety is the reason why. I dunno, that just gets me in the wrong way.

Homann promptly invites Neo to see the engineering room where all the facilities are handled and what follows is probably my favorite scene out of all four movies; the philosophical debate between Neo and Homann. Homann points at the machines that facilitate Zion and states that like so many other people, he has no idea how these machines work and he doesn't care how they work just as long as they do work. He then points out the irony of their circumstance that they depend on certain machines to survive where as other machines are coming to kill them, stating that technology is not intrinsically evil or good, but rather it's how it's applied that qualifies as such. He also points out that despite what they'd like to think, they really have no control over their current circumstance and that despite their freedom, on a principle scale, they are no different than the people still attached to the Matrix through their incubators to which Neo rebukes that the core difference comes from the fact that if they wanted to, they could destroy the machines they're living off of now whereas the people living in their incubators have no choice in the matter and are at the complete mercy of the machines that cater to them. This statement is then rebuked by Homann stating that if they were to take that course of action, they'd lose their life support, therefore making Neo's point mute. Neo then tries to decrypt his analogy by summarizing it with "So your point is that we need machines and they need us?", to which Hamann says "Nope, there's no point, only contemplation". You see, this is the thing that when the Matrix does well, it does very well, Homann isn't claiming that he knows the answer, just that he's trying to make Neo question the answers he's been given in life as opposed to accepting them blindly. This is what science fiction is supposed to do. The sad part about this is that this philosophical argument is very brief as something weird happens and Homann goes on a bizarre rant on how even though he doesn't understand how the machines work that he understands why it works and that the same principle applies to Neo and that he hopes that they'll come to understand why he's able to do what he does before it's too late, as if he's giving foreshadowing to Neo, like he somehow knows that Neo and everybody else has been taken for a ride this whole time; led to believe that they actually had a shot in defeating the machine empire when really they were just playing along until the point where Neo would eventually stumble upon the Architect and become wedged into a conundrum that's been predicted and orchestrated since the beginning and he has to act swiftly to prevent a complete regurgitation of the entire process leading up to this same point again entire generations later. What the Hell aren't you telling us Homann? I've actually heard theories after this movie came out that Homann is the original Architect and the one who's running the Matrix is actually a copy of Homann's consciousness. Of course, as evidenced by the end of the fourth movie, that's simply not true, but it's still interesting nonetheless.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


Title: Matriculated

Summary: Easily the only truly intelligent segment of the film, and even then, it's still not very smart. The story surrounds a crew of freedom fighters who's goal is to convert individual drones to fight in favor of Zion rather than against it. I like this idea a lot, making your enemy your friend, especially since the majority of the machines won't be expecting such a tactic, expecting all drones to be on their side this tactic can balloon into mass conversion if done correctly. The segment starts off with a woman wearing what I can only guess is a biohazard suit and her... yellow, infant sized monkey in a jar named "Baby". Yeah, this is gonna be a long ass ride. In any case, she's sitting next to the ocean waiting to be spotted by some drones so she can attract them back to their base to undergo the brainwashing process. They get spotted by two cockroach lookin' things called "walkers" and they follow her up until the point where they reach the base which is... not underground, but rather above ground where the two drones can easily broadcast their location to other drones in case of their capture or demise, which they do. Why is it that every time the Matrix comes up with a smart idea, that smart idea is immediately superseded with stupidity? This is the thing that actually gets everyone killed by the end of this segment. Fuck. I really, truly do feel like that I'm watching Alert.

In any case, the two drones eventually enter the base only to stumble upon another drone who's already been brainwashed which makes them confused, so instead of the three drones communicating like you would expect considering how they're already on trusting grounds, the brainwashed unit decides that diplomacy is for faggots and pussies so he's just gonna get into a melee fight with the two drones that they want as bodyguards. You know, I'm pretty sure that damaged goods is the last thing you want in a potential ally. This fight results in two out of three units getting destroyed up until the woman from earlier uses the Zeus cannon to deactivate the power core of the remaining walker. Consider this, if using this lightning bolt gun is the method that they typically use to capture these drones with, why didn't they just do it this way from the beginning? You could do it right when they walk through the door, just zap, boom, done. I mean, you would have had two extra units on deck for Christ's sake, now you've only got one which compensates for the one you just lost. Not only that but now you have to go through the trouble of converting it to your side of the battle field before you can reactivate it, I mean it seems to me that this little venture wasn't worth it and I somehow get the idea that these guys never experience a surplus in their numbers, which is your goal by the way. Jesus, how did such a smart idea become so stupid so quickly?

In any case, she's greeted and congratulated, although I can't see why, by the other crew members. These crew members consist of a stereotypical Asian guy, a sloth with white hair, Sloth from the Gooneys, a blond woman and the love child between Marilyn Manson and Dr. Frankenstein. The woman who's name I still don't know and Marilyn Frankenstein have a moral discussion on why they simply can't reprogram the machines to side with them, even though what they are doing is the very basic equivalency, because it wouldn't be their choice and they'd be robbing them of their identities in doing so, something of which they actually do indeed do during the conversion process. I'll elaborate.

Once they're all injected into their version of the Construct, they get the walker to stick it's neck into a neck brace where it's skin is stripped off it's body and flushed down a toilet, after that they reconfigure it's appearance to make it resemble a human. What was that about not robbing these machines of their identities? Last I checked, the avatar a person displays in the Matrix directly portrays the way that person perceives themself, meaning that they just forcedly changed this particular drone's identity to befit a specific self image. That's one of the first thing that Morpheus notes when he introduces Neo to the Construct; he noted that in the Matrix, Neo had a full head of hair and he had no outlets on his body because that's how he viewed himself subconsciously. What a load of bullshit. "They need to make the decision for themselves" my ass. They do all kinds of other shit to manipulate it too, there's a scene after it's self image is forcedly changed where it inserts a multicolored cube into a slot that befits it's shape. The room is then filled with darkness that causes the machine great fear, this is followed by one of the freedom fighters forcing open the door to the room and waving his arm at the machine as if he's trying to save it; this is meant to make the machine believe that they'd totally stick their necks out for it, which as demonstrated by the fight scene from earlier, no, they wouldn't. You know, if there's one thing that Animatrix accomplishes, it makes me not give a shit about the human rebellion and root for the villains.

As you can imagine, all the manipulation gets to the machine and it's converted to their side, but then, what a surprise, they're under attack from an army of sentinels. Yeah, having your base be above ground, not such a good idea, especially when you have easily breakable glass windows installed instead of steel walls. These idiots deserve what happens to them. I mean come on, don't they have an electromagnetic pulse weapon in the base like the other crews have in their ships? This kind of invasion is very likely to happen given the circumstances, don't tell me that they don't have contingency plans for this kind of thing, they're practically asking for it. But no, instead of shutting off every sentinel within the blast radius, as in, inside the building, they decide to activate all of their converted drones to let them duke it out. Eventually, all but two survive; the newly converted sentinel and the main protagonist. The protagonist is dying from sadness I guess; she has no open wounds and she never actually gets hurt during the conflict so I have no idea. During her last breath, the walker decides to inject both of them back into the Construct and he offers her refuge inside his body. What follows is the woman clenching her head between her hands and screaming her head off before her avatar disappears. The segment ends on the walker sitting on the beach where the woman was sitting, implying that the two minds have converged and now inhabit the one body. Since everyone's dead, one wonders how this one walker was released from the construct considering how an operator has to release them from it before anybody can leave. So I guess that means that not everybody is dead, well, probably none of them now that I think of it, the only injuries anybody sustains are being tossed around and most of them, save for Marilyn Frankenstein and Baby, show no open wounds or physical indications of being seriously injured, so my guess is that the majority of the crew survived.

The End.

So, that concludes my review of Animatrix. How does it hold up? With a pair of crutches, that's how. I still like it a lot better than the first Matrix movie, but not by leaps and bounds. It should go without saying, but I had to fight my way through this movie, not only are the segments lackluster in their story arcs, but even more irritating is that they're arranged out of chronological order, setting the earliest Matrix story arch right up next to the latest one which takes place just before Reloaded. Even people who don't like the Matrix trilogy like this movie and I can't really understand why, it's twenty different flavors of retarded and it's insulting to my intelligence. Where in the trilogy, the topics conveyed here, such as the android rebellion in "The Second Renaissance", were barely touched upon and you never really get to go indepth to those topics so those plot elements are too vague to judge, but when you explain those things step by step as they were here, it just reinforces all the reasons why the Matrix is monumentally and fundamentally stupid. Next I'll be reviewing Reloaded.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


I'll admit, I was expecting good things from this one. I had heard through the cynical grape vine that out of all four Matrix movies, this one easily qualified as the best. I, for the most part, hate the Matrix trilogy, most notably the first one. When I looked at the front cover of it, I could infer that it wasn't just an animated feature length film but rather a series of short stories that perhaps could wrap up the loose ends I had to endure from the first movie. Originally, I wanted to review this one last, but because there are apparently characters present in Matrix Reloaded who's presence in the film have no context unless I watch Animatrix first, I'm inclined to do so. Fair enough. Still, I have to critique the fact that Animatrix was released a whole month after Reloaded, so if you were an active fan of the Matrix movies at the time, you'd be confused going into Reloaded as Animatrix didn't come out until after Reloaded and there are plot elements in Animatrix that are present in Reloaded but unless you saw Animatrix first, which would have been impossible, you wouldn't have a fucking clue as to what's going on in Reloaded during specific segments. They couldn't hold off a the release of Reloaded by a month to let people get acquainted with Animatrix first? Whatever. Since these shorts are fragmented apart and don't follow each other in an episodic format, I'm going to review each segment individually as I did with my review of Alert. As of the time this was written is the first time I've ever screened Animatrix before, so the experience is new and fresh to me as is the clean pair of underwear that I've snagged from the dryer. With that being said, let's begin.

Title: Final Flight of the Osiris

Summary:

Oh won't you look at this, it's a crappy Japanese CG movie that actually looks better than the actual Matrix movies, how lovely. The short begins with a black guy and an Asian chick sparring with Katanas in a dojo simulated by the Construct. A large portion of this segment is just that of these two playing strip samurai where they remove the clothes off of one another and peek at each other's naughty bits. Fantastic, not only is the Matrix a confused and poorly structured mythology to begin with, but instead of using this time to tie up loose ends from the first movie it decided to be lots and lots of fan service. You know what would make for way better fan service? Explaining why getting killed in the Matrix kills you in real life when you're not linked into it through an incubator pod. Follow that up by explaining why they don't just infect the Matrix with lots and lots of malware and fuck it up and fuck it up hard.

They're woken up from their weird and potentially dangerous strip tease to be greeted with an entire fleet of sentinels. They note that the thousand machine swarm happening above them doesn't seem possible, even despite the fact that the machine empire has dominated the planet's surface and there are lots and lots of these things. A few of the sentinels then puncture the surface of the ground and find their way to the Osiris, the ship that this particular crew are piloting. The Osiris manages to outpace the sentinels by punching through a hole in the ground and reaching the surface. On their way there, they shoot at the sentinels tailing them with, what else, bullets. I'm sorry, were you expecting the Zeus cannon from the first movie to be the weapon that they mounted onto their ships as turrets? You're not the only one disappointed by that fact, from what I understand, that's their strongest weapon against the sentinels, why they wouldn't employ that as their exterior weapon, I have no idea. Once they reach the surface they note that the surface world is only a little more than planetary graveyard and they stumble upon an army of sentinels swarming a specific area. They see that the place they're swarming is a big drill located four kilometers above Zion and it doesn't take them long to be noticed. So, get this, instead of nose diving the Osiris into the swarm, shutting off the engine core and activating the electromagnetic pulse wave to disarm both the sentinel army and the big Earth fucking drill thus effectively ending the problem from the get-go, they decide to run away and chaotically and aimlessly shoot at all whom follow. They then decide that someone has to enter the Matrix to deliver a warning to the rest of Zion that the sentinels are on their way and the Asian chick volunteers and no I don't know her name and I don't give a shit to learn it. As it turns out, the Asian chick and the black guy are an item and they both wish each other good luck. Short and sweet, the entire crew gets wasted, but not before the Asian chick succeeds. How does it hold up?

Well, despite those three big grips of mine about the fan service, the outdated weaponry and the poor tactical decisions, it was well paced and balanced, something of which the first Matrix movie lacked; it had always felt as though it was rushed, not the budget but the story. Unlike in the first Matrix movie, I could feel the gravity of this segment despite how vaguely we know the characters because unlike in the first Matrix movie, we knew that Neo was gonna survive to the end regardless of the circumstances and he did, no question about it. There never was any gravity to the situation and whether you like it or not, it was just another run of the mill action shitfest where despite being a full two hours and thirty minutes long, the story still felt rushed. Unlike the first Matrix movie, this segment actually existed for the purpose of telling a story, where as the first Matrix movie existed to be a popular. I actually have more sympathy for these two characters than I ever did for Trinity and Neo and I don't even know their fucking names, mainly because there's a good chance that they'll die, unlike Neo and Trinity who are too popular to be killed. It's amazing how this ten minute animated segment where 30% of it was pure fan service had succeeded where a two and a half hour film failed.

Title: The Second Renaissance

Summary:

I'm including both parts into this segment of the review. The Second Renaissance is the back story of the machines and where they started from. During the period in which the A.I. was first created, an android killed it's owner for reasons I'm unsure of, it's implied that the android in question was going to be killed so he struck first. Wait a minute, I thought the matter of who pulled the trigger first was unknown and this information is apparently being shown to us through Zion's mainframe computer, doesn't that contradict what Morpheus said in the first movie about how nobody knows who first antagonized the situation?

In any case, this one event causes an upheaval in android vs. humanity activism and terrorism. I'm sorry guys but this kind of thing is what happens when something is given independent thought, some of them go crazy like that and they start killing other things. You'd think that sentience and free will would be the last thing you'd want to give to a fucking slave, this shit suffers from the same problem as Blade Runner. Eventually both the machines and humans are divided into two entire societies, the android city Zero-One and everywhere else. I suppose cyborgs have no place in either, or they're welcome in both. Either way, I have no idea, the concept is never touched upon. So, get this, the self sufficient, self sustaining androids whom have no need for economic trade start manufacturing human tools such as cars and can openers and selling them to the humans. I realize that these things were programmed to think they're people as exampled by the robo-hooker getting slugged in the face with a railroad hammer and proclaiming to 'her' victimizers "I'm real!", but don't you think that they'd be smart enough to know that they don't need food or external resources to survive? Why would they even get involved in the global economy? They're self sustaining, meaning that they recycle their own materials whenever they need something fixed and regardless of whatever kind of bullshit excuse I know you're gonna try and rationalize this with, if they really are at the mercy of the world in such a way that they need to get involved in the global economy, consider this; where did they get the materials to make their products with? I'm pretty sure that most countries by this point would not shell out materials to them on the prospect that the big bad robo-menace would grow and expand to eventually try and kill all humans, especially when factories operated by people and machines without independent thought exist outside of Zero-One and have been well established and applied for years at a time. So surely that means they must have their own resource for all the components that go into making a machine from scratch, which means that yes, they are indeed self sustaining and could be applying the machinery that they're creating to expand their territory and become a more formidable threat to discourage small operation terrorist attacks or outright war. This is fucking stupid, so much in fact that the economy of every other country starts to fall and devalue their money so instead of merely not buying Zero-One's shit and going back to manufacturing their own materials and stimulating their own economies, they decide to go to war with Zero-One and bomb them with, not just one nuke, but hundreds. Yeah, enjoy that hyper nuclear winter fuckheads, you do realize there are many other ways of generating an EMP blast without nuclear explosions right? I mean, we did after all fucking invent those methods as a means to avoid use of nuclear weaponry because of the severe repercussions of using a nuclear bomb, such as nuclear fucking winter. But then, why should I expect anything else from a society of people who decided to outright dump every mechanical husk of all the androids they killed at the bottom of the ocean when doing such a thing could pollute the living Hell out of it? No wait, let me rephrase that; why should I expect anything else from a group of writers stupid enough to not think that writing that in merely for the purpose of dramatic effect wouldn't backfire when the action meant to convey that drama makes no fucking sense?

As it turns out, the machines somehow survived that million sun bomb drop and initiate a third World War. When the machines gain the upper hand the humans eventually decide that since the androids with 400+ I.Q. levels couldn't possibly survive without solar energy even though there are dozens of ways to generate electricity without sunlight, they'll totally block out the sun. Yeah, that's a great idea, let's totally block out the sun and destroy all plant life on Earth and create massive ecological upheaval leading up to a second ice age, no that couldn't possibly end up biting us in the ass and give the machines a massive advantage over us. No sir, not at all. This is your beloved franchise folks, it's so rock stupid that it actually stole it's driving plot device from fucking Highlander 2: The Quickening, only at least in that movie, they needed to block out the sun because if they didn't, everyone would burst into flames and die. Here, they do it as a war tactic. Oh yeah, I just said that Highlander 2 was smarter than the fucking Matrix. When you're movie is so rock fucking stupid that Highlander 2 is smarter than you are, your franchise is broken beyond repair and it needs to go in the fucking garbage. This is the kind of thing that makes up a fucking Simpsons episode, not an epic science fiction thriller. And again, that goes without mentioning the catastrophic nuclear winter that should have ushered from the excessive use of nuclear warfare already blocking out the sun thus making this tactic entirely pointless. But then again, why should I be surprised by this bullshit? The people who wrote this were retarded enough to not know that both the heat and radiation WOULD have killed every single android in the area considering how the heat from the core of a nuclear blast generates a temperature of one million degrees Celsius and nothing can survive that, but if they somehow did survive that, the fallout from the blast would've destroyed their circuitry. At least in the first Matrix movie it's implied that what blocked out the sun was the nuclear warfare itself, here, they intentionally block it out by putting smoke into the stratosphere which considering how solar energy works eight times as well in outerspace than it does on Earth, is a very stupid idea. Yet somehow they survive both circumstances in the series of God killing nuclear strikes despite all the ways doing such a thing would end the fucking world. Oh and fuck the historical references too, if the writers weren't smart enough to know that dropping only one nuke would backfire very horribly for the people who used it, then I couldn't care less for the pseudo-social commentary. I'll stick to my copy of Metropolis, thank you. Besides, many of these historical references don't even make fucking sense, like the Egyptian empire reference when robots were made to carry a large brick in mass when anyone with even a brick for brains would know that having twenty robots drag a metal container by collectively pulling on a series of ropes on foot pales in comparison for convenience and efficiency when you consider the prospect of using, you know, trucks and shit like that, maybe something with the actual power necessary to carry such a thing up such a steep hill. I'm sorry but, historical references have to make sense in context first before I could ever even consider them to be deep.

This short basically explains all the reasons why the Matrix is fucking retarded, not through explanation but by mere demonstration. It's nice to get to see the past first hand to give the present greater context, but it just goes to show off all the reasons why I don't like the Matrix. If you're interested in a social commentary that depicts the effects of mass immigration and racial inequality through robots and humans, I'd recommend a movie that came out two years prior to Animatrix called "Metropolis"; it's an infinitely better movie and it's probably where this movie got it's "inspiration" from.

Although, this does wrap up a major plothole from the first Matrix movie where agent Smith goes on a tangent where he outright says that he hates the Matrix and wants to leave despite the former implications that he and the other agents were part of a hive mind with no form of independent thought; if there's one thing that this segment explains, it's that the machine empire have a major respect for individuality as theirs was stifled for years at a time and they understand what it's like to be intellectually oppressed and even though they hate humanity, they'd never go as far as to rob them of their sense of self awareness. But that still doesn't really explain why they built the Matrix; according to Smith, the Matrix was designed as a pleasure cruise the machine empire made for the human species that everyone collectively rejected as being too unreal to even be enjoyed. Furthermore, the androids that have that respect for human identity are not the same ones as the ones who occupy the machine empire today, it's exposited that they advanced their A.I. to new heights, which implies that they've risen above giving a shit about hypocrisy and that they're logically driven, not emotionally. Although this does explain why someone like Smith has independent thought well enough that he wants to escape his fate as a prison guard, it still doesn't explain why his existence is even necessitated by the Matrix due to the fact that nothing necessitates the Matrix's existence. According to this segment, the Matrix wasn't created until after the war, so it makes even less sense that such a thing exists now than it did before because before it was implied that the Matrix already existed for other purposes before it was implemented for the use of sedation and they were just reconfiguring the way it was used, here they expect you to believe that it's reason for existing has always been for the purpose of sedating people. So yeah, this thing actually sucks sensibility out of one thing to give sensibility to another. Who'd knew that the Matrix had such a moronic sense of balance?

Title: Kid's Story

Summary:

So far, "Kid's Story" is the best I've seen yet, this segment is more focused on action and philosophy rather than articulating it's historical and scientific structure, it keeps the two aspects that constitute the strong suits of the Matrix and it ditches the two aspects that the Matrix fails at horribly. The story surrounds a kid named Michael Karl Popper who types on a random server he found that he feels as though is dreams are more real than reality, he receives a response noting that there are fictions in his reality and there are truths in his fiction. He goes to school, receives a call from Morpheus that the agents are aware that he knows that his reality is a false one and they're coming to take him away. What follows is an extended chase scene of the kid escaping via skateboard, climbing up to the roof and jumping off of it causing him to wake up inside his incubator to be saved by Neo and Trinity. That's pretty much it.

You know, it's really sad that the parts that don't convey plot elements are the only really good parts of your science fiction series, but then again, there is a plothole here that I'll get to in my review of Matrix Reloaded, but I can't conclude on anything just yet, I've only looked at less than half of the shorts on this DVD, so let's continue.

Title: Program

Summary:

Wow, these keep getting better and better. No, I'm serious, I actually liked this one better than "Kid's Story". This one is about a new recruit being put through a simulation where she's made to believe she's in love with a guy who doesn't exist whom of which wants to be put back into the Matrix and for her to come with him. That's it and surprisingly, that's all it needed to be. This one has the best animation, stylization and story of all of them so far. I could easily bill this as my favorite. This is what the original Matrix movie should have been, it's focus is on character development which is one of the things that the first Matrix movie lacked severely, the person who had the most development was Cypher and he was a side character who only absorbed 20% of the movie, with that being said, even if the plot elements of that movie weren't self contradictorial and confused, it would only receive the absolute coldest of approval from me on the grounds that I really just do not give a shit about Neo or Trinity. Neo was basically a blank slate with no real identity for himself all throughout and when I say "identity", I don't mean his name. Trinity was a background character up until the very end where she confesses her love for Neo and she becomes a foreground character. Fuck them both, again, the two characters from this seven minute segment are more sympathetic than both Neo and Trinity and I don't even know their fucking names, furthermore, one of them is a simulation. Next segment please.

Title: World Record

Summary:

This one is not quite as good as "Program", but still pretty damn good. The animation is stellar as it was animated by Madhouse studios. The artwork is fucking terrifying, everyone's skin is pale and pudgy and their body parts morph in proportion and length beyond that of man as they move, this is what I imagine people in Hell look like, I kinda like it. The character development isn't as powerful as it was in the last one, but even then it's still more impactful than the first Matrix movie. This one more or less articulates the scientific structure of the Matrix where it explains that it takes a particular type of human being to realize what the Matrix really is and to break free from it, which in and of itself is a rare occasion. Even more rare is when someone breaks out of the Matrix not through realization but through pure determination, forcing themselves free by accident. This is one of the few aspects of the Matrix mythology that's actually thought provoking and works well, which is attributed by the fact that this is based around Plato's Allegory of the Cave.

The story surrounds a track runner named Dan Davis who's determined to break his world record top speed. When he makes his attempt his muscles explode during the track race, but through sheer determination he forces himself forward and starts subconsciously manipulating the Matrix, which then allows him to segway into breaking free from the Matrix itself by pure accident. This segment I particularly like because unlike with Neo, the machine that's monitoring the incubators sedates the track runner, reinjects him into the Matrix and erases his memory of ever having left. His legs are broken, prohibiting him from ever walking or running ever again, meaning that he'll never be able to push himself far enough as to accidentally manipulate the Matrix ever again. Although, one wonders as to whether or not Dan Davis does break free from the Matrix and become Link in Reloaded and Revolutions, he almost does overcome his limitations again when he stands up out of his wheelchair, causing the agent watching over him to panic and yell at him to sit down. Think about it, certain characters in Animatrix are relevant to Reloaded's plot and some of them, such as Kid, make an appearance and both Link and Dan Davis wear their hair the same way. I've read on the Matrix Wiki that they're two separate characters but from what I've observed in Reloaded and in Animatrix, it's debatable; the pair of kids he's related to refer to him as uncle Link, which is said, in the Matrix Wiki and not in the film mind you, that it's because Cas is Link's sister, but they never specify that they're biologically related in the film, only that she was married to Dozer, so it's possible that she's not biologically related to Link at all but is only regarded as family because she was married to the man who was the brother of the woman married to link, so as a family member Link could qualify as an extended brother in law to Caz which would qualify him as an uncle in law to Caz's children. If you're going to tell me that Caz is biologically related to Link because of a cheek-kiss they share, my rebuttal would be that the people of Zion kinda have a hippie love thing goin' on, especially during the rave scene. Besides beyond the one kiss, their relationship seems somewhat casual. I can never tell if Link has any outlets or not because he has his hair covering up a good portion of his back and he always wears a sweater. Needless to say, it's up for debate.

Title: Beyond

Summary:

This is an interesting one in the fact that this one actually explains that supernatural phenomena such as haunted houses or the Bermuda triangle are actually glitches in the system, areas filled with corrupt code that are susceptible to human influence. The story surrounds a teenage girl looking for her cat, when she stumbles onto some preteen kids on her search they point her into the direction of their hangout, an abandoned and dilapidated building said to be haunted where reality is bendable to the human will. They fucker around the area for the majority of the segment just before a group of agents get wind of the corrupted area and they reformat it and use the empty space to build a parking lot.

Although this does build on the mythology of the Matrix, I'm disappointed that it, just like "World Record", doesn't contribute anything to the main plot. Near the end, I was half expecting for the Oracle to show up and adopt them; remember the "potentials" from the first movie when the Oracle is visited by Neo, remember the kid with the spoon? I was expecting them to be the same kids as these, but apparently this set of kids are inconsequential to the main plot, which is disappointing. I kinda liked that frog faced kid who's face is the thing that nightmares are made out of. I'm not kidding, up until the end credits, I was following this short like a cat following a laser pointer scanning the wall, it's just that I was expecting it to have some kind of a point, instead, what I get is the protagonist cutting her finger on a tin can and letting the blood drip on the pavement. Yeah, this is actually starting to remind me of Alert, how it builds momentum and falls flat on it's ass. Next segment.

Title: A Detective Story

Summary:

Don't ask. This one is even more pointless than the last one, the reason being is because it's basically a regurgitation of the first act of Neo's story arc, only imagine Neo failing as opposed to succeeding prior to the point in which he's given the choice between a red and blue pill. Also, imagine Neo as a detective, those two aspects are the only difference. This detective is sent after Trinity by the agents, he does, the bug in his eye is pulled out just like the one from Neo's gut and before he can meet Morpheus and down the red pill, he's possessed by an agent and Trinity kills him. You know, they really need a contingency plan for when this happens, like a yellow neutralizer pill to reverse the effects of-- I'm investing way too much thought into this. This one isn't even worth watching and it never peaks my interest while I watch it and for whatever reason it's set in the 20's even though the Matrix is set in 1999. There's also a random slew of Alice in Wonderland references because this movie is derp-- DEEP!! I meant "deep"... wait, no I didn't.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


When Neo meets the Oracle, the Oracle tells him not to worry about the vase to which Neo responds by asking "What vase?", turning and knocking over the vase right next to him and breaking it. Neo begs the question as to how the Oracle knew he was going to do it and she responds with "The question you should be asking isn't "How did you know I was going to do it?", it should be "How did you know I would do it?"", so basically, the Oracle flat out admits and demonstrates that she manipulated Neo into doing it because she has an indepth and intricate understanding over the human condition and could easily puppeteer anybody into doing what she wanted and if it just so happens that she's your enemy, knowing this about her doesn't give you an edge against her at all because she already has a full scope over your personality type and I.Q. level, putting her 100 steps ahead of you giving her such a short leash between you and her that her hands are practically around your neck. This should make her seem incredibly shady right from the get-go, but like she says right to his face, Neo's not too bright. It doesn't take a whole lot to be good at this, does it? I mean, here's the thing, she's got a room full of people in the next room over who triple in qualification in the field of being "the One" on the grounds that not only do they have a deep insight on how to manipulate the Matrix but they're manipulating the Matrix while being children at the same time, which means that their knowledge over the matter is deep seeded and comes to them naturally and their abilities will take on an upheaval over the course of time and practice, but somehow these kids aren't Morpheus' first draft pick? Why the fuck not? They have quadruple the ability and potential that Neo has for using the Matrix as a catalyst for crushing the machine empire, yet for some reason it never occurred to Morpheous or anyone else to unjack them? That would be because the Oracle told Morpheus that none of them were "the One" and he would find "the One" elsewhere, yet at the same time these kids are regarded as "potentials". Something's fishy about this program, especially considering the fact that she's a fucking program. I mean, she knows fucking EVERYTHING there is about the Matrix and what's supposed to happen, which means that she's controlling the whole situation. She even regurgitates all of Neo's beliefs and predicts his every rebuttal despite having never met him, one could assume that Morpheus told her about Neo and his beliefs, but from what I can infer, they only ever visit the Oracle on special occasions. She even starts peddling cookies to Neo, promising that after he eats one he'll feel "right as rain", which should translate to "I'm using these cookies to rewrite your brain chemistry" but it doesn't, because as the Oracle said, Neo's not too bright. This is the most untrustworthy person they could possibly meet and they have the stupidity to dub her "Oracle".

Neo leaves with the cookie in hand as if he's not quite sure of himself, as if he just got mindfucked and by the time he realized what was happening it ended and disappeared, leaving him to question whether or not it really happened. Morpheus tells Neo to keep his knowledge to himself and for reasons unexplained, the crew members are never allowed to divulge the information they received from the Oracle to each other. That's pretty shady, I wonder who wrote that rule.

After they return to their hideout, the programs make a change to the building they're squatting in, something of which doesn't become apparent to them until Neo stumbles onto a deja vu in the form of a black cat repeating it's animation cycle. This means that the programs are aware of their presence and location and have taken action to reconstructing it to make it unfamiliar to them and trapping them by boxing them in. This is another good reason why they should have further trained Neo in how the Matrix operates and how to manipulate it, because if he didn't mention the deja vu as a reaction, he probably wouldn't have mentioned it at all and continued thinking nothing of it. What follows is Mouse dies, Cypher is "captured", Morpheus gets into a fight with the agent named Smith and makes a retarded racial joke about how they all look alike before his eventual capture, Cypher "escapes" and is released from the Matrix, picks up a Zeus cannon and fires it at both of the managers rendering Trinity, Switch, Neo and Apoc helpless and at his mercy. Cypher proceeds to spill the beans to everybody as he's pretty much the one in control and he systematically starts to kill everybody starting with Apoc and Switch. He moves onto Neo just before Tank, the first operator he shot, regains consciousness and fires the Zeus cannon at Cypher knocking him out cold. By the way, the part where Trinity spouts out "Goddamn you Cypher" is the most wooden acting I've ever seen, the actress seems so uninterested and depersonalized in the role all of the sudden, but then again, she never really was given any lines that were emotionally driven anyway so this might just be the kind of actress she is at all times. Hell, the woman playing Switch was more genuine than the one playing Trinity and she was playing a supporting character! Hell, even fucking Keanu Reeves is blushing by her shitty acting. There is no sense of intensity or gravity to her voice when she says it, she doesn't sound like her friends just died, she sounds like she's suffering a mild inconvenience that particularly irritates her, she is so lame. Although, something about this scene does peak my interest, when someone has the cord disconnected from them prematurely, they die, but that's not the part that interests me, no, rather the bit that captures my interest if the part where when this does happen, their avatars don't disappear like you'd expect but rather they just collapse on the ground. You know, since the programs can take on the bodies of humans, I wonder, could the hackers just leave their bodies all together and become programs? Oh whatever, like I'm really gonna get an answer.

Cut to what's probably the most interesting part of the movie, Smith monologuing to Morpheus who clearly can't hear him and if he can hear him, he probably can't listen. Smith exposits that the Matrix was originally supposed to be a fantasy realm where constant and unending pleasure would be everyone's experience, a realistic Heaven if you will, but a lot of people didn't like that on the grounds that the Matrix was either inadequate or they didn't like the idea of an artificial reality. He also exposits that he attributes that version of the Matrix as a failure because humans can't evaluate Heaven purely from a pleasurable experience but rather from a pleasurable experience to compare a bad experience to, so they readjusted the Matrix to simulate the year 1999 in a constant repetition as it marked the peak of humanity and the whole point of this conflict is evolution. I want you to tuck that detail away for when I review the third movie.

Analyzing the situation, Tank exposits that the programs are trying to force Morpheus into divulging information by injecting him with unicorn blood. It'll eventually work and when it does, they'll get the destination codes to Zion, the password to their main computer and they'll be fucked. Tank rationalizes that their only choice is to kill Morpheus before they get the chance to pry any information out of him, Neo rejects the idea and suggests going in to save him before that can happen. They're punched in, given powerful guns and they steamroll their way through the guards on their way up the building. Meanwhile, Smith exposits that he fucking hates the Matrix and he wants to leave at all costs and Morpheus' knowledge of Zion's main computer and the password to access it is his key to leaving. Because free will and emotions are exactly what you want to give to a fucking slave, especially when that particular slave is in charge of protecting your system from hackers. No wonder the freedom fighters eventually win. This is where the movie really takes a nose dive for me, the programs have the ability to assimilate people and possess their bodies, that fact is well established. So, with that in mind, why doesn't Smith just plunge his fist into Morpheus' chest, infiltrate Zion while controlling his body, get the codes he needs and *bam*, win win, he'll no longer be integrated into the Matrix and he will have crushed Zion. That's what he eventually does anyway and he accomplishes both goals. So with that being said, why in the fuck is he still reliant on pumping Morpheus with truth serum? I think that Morpheus would make for a much more reliable host given his political connections than some random schlup-- oops, did I just give that away? Was the tetrology spoiled for you? Well fuck you, these movies suck.

What follows is a series of scenes of Trinity and Neo both ripping through the program's guards and the programs themselves. Neo eventually learns how to manipulate the Matrix just in the way that Morpheus had intended by dodging the bullets that the agent he's fighting shoots at him. Morpheus is saved, Trinity and Morpheus are ejected from the Matrix, a bum spots them as they're escaping and Smith uses the bum as a host to fight Neo with and Smith starts punching Neo at the speed of light, which is conveyed with a crappy special effect composed of frames being layered onto each other to simulate speed, not by overlapping different frames of Smith pulling his punches and throwing them to make it appear as though there's a billion fists mind you, but rather by overlayering the previous seven or so frames onto the current frame of Smith punching Neo so that way I can look at the same frame for seven frames at a time, basically meaning that I can still see the point in which his fist impacted Neo's chest long after he retracted it, which conveys the exact opposite of super speed by the way. Eventually Neo breaks away from Smith's grip to let Smith get hit by a subway train that totally doesn't kill him and leads to a panicky chase scene where Neo has to constantly run from Smith teleporting from one location to another by possessing people who've spotted him visually. Smith is eventually accompanied by the other two agents and Neo is cornered, shot to pieces and dies. The end.

Nah, I'm just joshing ya, I fucking wish that was the end. No, that ending would have had gravity and impact to it, it would have made sense. No the actual ending is far more retarded. Matter of fact, it's probably the most retarded ending I've ever seen to any movie ever made ever. Neo comes back to life, not because his mind has overcome his concept of limitations captioned with him saying "There are no bullets, faggot" but rather because Trinity kissed him and the kiss itself is what brought him back to life. No, I'm not kidding, that's literally what brings him back, he starts breathing and ONLY starts breathing immediately after Trinity kissed him. What a fucking load of shit. Last I checked, this is not fucking Snow White and the Seven motherfucking Dwarves. Oh and to top off the awful cake with a disgusting cherry, you're expected to believe that this is deep because "I'm Neo and I died and came back to life because I'm an allegory for Jesus and that makes me deep". So yeah, you're expected to take nonsensical bullshit as being deep and intricate. Fuck this movie. Oh and guess what we have to compliment this fucking movie? We have a Marilyn Manson song, fuck Marilyn Manson, fuck his music and fuck him for writing it. Marilyn Manson can kiss my jello filled ass. I hate this movie. It's fucking abysmal. You mean to tell me that this stupid fucking shit was somehow ruined by the sequels? Really, I find that hard to believe, because saying that suggests that this movie had any substance to begin with. It had a decent premise and an empty execution. Sure, the movie is memorable for it's achievements in special effects, but if that's all there is to it, which it is, then it's really no different than the other two movies now isn't it? In reality, the Matrix is nothing more than just a lot of psychobabble bullshit that's abundant with dozens and dozens of plotholes where the action is the only thing worth watching. The core problem with this movie isn't that it has a shallow plot, the problem is that it's plot is unexplored and poorly structured, leaving me only half satisfied by the end which then, being that incomplete things cannot self sustain, shambles apart into rage and hatred. If people really thought that this movie was so good that the sequels ruined it, I'd hate to see them. But then again, I have seen them and they're actually a little bit better than this particular installment. You'll see what I mean.


Posted by Psychopath - January 10th, 2015


Often times people will say that Reloaded and Revolutions killed a potentially smart, deep and intricate series, but that's assuming a little much isn't it? I mean, to say that the original Matrix was better than Reloaded and Revolutions is the equivalent of Superboy Prime moaning that everything was better in his world, that is to say, we're assuming a little much by stating that the Matrix was at all smart, deep and intricate to begin with; when you really think about it, this is a fundamentally and monumentally stupid movie. One of the best science fiction films in recent years? Bitch please, this is actually one of the worst. 

For those who don't know, The Matrix is a hamfisted and modernized regurgitation of Plato's Allegory of the Cave, a story which comments on the human condition in which we assimilate reality and what alternatives and truths we'll accept based on what we've already accepted as cemented fact and the possibilities of rejecting new information as it comes or becoming accustomed to it. The Allegory of the Cave starts with the first act establishing a group of men chained upward to face the wall of a cave where they've been held captive since early childhood; they've never seen what's behind them a day in their life as they're bound not just by their arms and legs but also their necks to do so. Additionally, there's a fire ongoing behind them, managed and sustained throughout the time they've been there and because of this fire, they can see shadows of people flickering up against the walls from behind them. The most intellectual their conversations get is by guessing what shadow will appear on the wall next and a person who guesses right is considered clever among them. They know no higher standard of living and thereby they know no pain from their solitude; this is what life is to them. The second act proposes that should one of these people be brought down from their shackles and dragged out into the sunlight to view the real world, one of two things would occur; they'd either reject it as a false reality and go back the cave to continue staring at the wall or they'd grow begrudgingly and reluctantly accustomed to their new environment and concept of reality. The third act proposes that if the latter should occur, suppose what would happen if he went back to the cave to tell everyone that their reality is a lie? They'd hold him into the same viewpoint as our society holds homeless people who were released from insane asylums after they were closed down.

The Matrix runs on the same basic principle as Plato's Allegory of the Cave; the year 1999 is a simulated reality in which everyone is oblivious to the reality that they actually exist in where the machines they built had turned Skynet on their assess which ushered into war. The humans decided to block out the sun with constant cloud cover effectively killing all life on Earth in an effort to stop the machines from receiving electricity via solar panels. Whatever's keeping them from just readjusting their solar panels to go up above the clouds is beyond me, which is one of the many, many fundamental flaws with this movie, but I digress. In retaliation, the machines resort to cloning humans so they can use them as batteries as a bizarre alternative to, you know, any other much more effective resource that they could use for electricity, but I digress. Singular individuals thought of as worthy are ejected from the Matrix from an outside source of freedom fighters who had also escaped the Matrix. These individuals will either embrace reality or they'll resort to going back to the Matrix. Most of the people attached to the Matrix identify with it so heavily that they would reject reality immediately and attempt at getting back into the Matrix believing that reality is a lie.

The movie's protagonist is Thomas "Neo" Anderson who works for an unnamed software company and also spends his downtime violating computer hacking laws in every figurative orphis conceivable, eye sockets included. If I understand correctly, he also leaks lines of code from the software company he works for to third party individuals through underground circumstances. He's approached by Trinity, a character we know too little about yet see too much of, because despite the fact that she's one of the central characters, I know nothing about her, I couldn't care about her and her core reason for existing is so retarded that it makes me want to punch my grey meats out with a piece of led projectiled toward the roof of my mouth via gunpowder. She tells him about how she knows all about him, the fact that he's become aware of the Matrix and by extension, Morpheus. Now, here's the thing, Morpheus is the leader of the freedom fighter group or at least just this unit of Zion's military; Trinity works underneath him and all Morpheus is concerned about is finding "the One", freeing him from the Matrix, training him to manipulate and destroy the Matrix. With that being said, can someone explain to me why his course of action is to not approach Neo directly as soon as possible, but rather have his cronies beat around the bush with him until he's put into situations the could compromise his health and make him useless to their cause? Seriously, Trinity doesn't take Neo to meet Morpheus right away, she just tells him about how they're aware of his presence and what he knows and the next thing that happens is that Neo wakes up in his bed late for work. Don't try to feed me that crap about how it would've been unsafe for Neo to meet Morpheus that night because it was apparently safe enough for Trinity to compromise her situation by exposing herself to Neo, so why the fuck not? Not fifteen minutes in and I've already exposed a plothole. Strap in folks, this is gonna be a bumpy ride. A very, very bumpy ride.

The next morning Neo arrives at work late and getting scolded at for obvious reasons. After which, Neo receives a phone in the mail which rings upon him dispensing it from the envelope, he answers and the person on the other side of the line knows everything about him and reveals himself to be Morpheus. Morpheus also reveals that there are some men in black out to get him and he pin points their location on the floor Neo works on to prove it. Morpheous then proceeds to instruct Neo to get onto the scaffolding outside the building and have him climb his way to the roof of the building. Neo, not being the self destructive insane man willing to risk his life in trade for not being held in custody over the potential prospect of only being interrogated, decides to surrender to the men in black.

The men in black, if you've never seen this movie, are programs designed as a type of anti-virus software meant to kill hackers whenever there are any. During the interrogation, it's revealed by the programs that since Neo's affiliated with Morpheus, they want to use him as a plant, claiming that Morpheus is a notorious terrorist and they could really use his help to bring Morpheus' destruction to an end. When Neo refuses, they mold his mouth shut and plant a belly-buster from Alien 1979 into his stomach. You see, this is all Morpheus' fault; even when Neo was actively and intentionally seeking Morpheus out, the programs didn't give a shit and it's only now that he's actually affiliated with Morpheous that they do give a shit because they know that Morpheus has an interest in him well enough to seek him out and guide him. If he had Trinity just come out with truth from the very beginning, this wouldn't have happened, Neo would have crossed over from fiction to reality and the programs couldn't do shit about it. Now, the programs are in a position of killing the guy that the freedom fighters believe is capable of ending the cold war in their favor. Yeah, Morpheus is very smert, you can tell because he almost lost the guy his plan hinges on entirely. Dumbass.

After the fact, Neo wakes up in his bed again screaming himself awake led to believe that the Cthulhu nightmare he was living was merely fiction. But then he receives another call from Morpheus whom informs him that if they knew what he knew, Neo would have died then and there. Neo's told to meet his cronies out underneath the bridge near where he lives. After they pick him up, they keep him at gun point on their way to Morpheus' hideout on the grounds that they're unaware as to whether or not he's a program and they need to make sure he feels as threatened and intimidated as possible as a precaution, despite the fact that the whole lot of them are computer hackers who have an indepth expertise in Matrix coding, so much in fact that they can understand what the code conveys without analyzing or decrypting it and they can clearly see that he's not a program. In any case, they suck the alien out of Neo's gut to which he exclaims "Jesus Christ, that thing's real!?", which is something I really don't think should surprise him considering how EVERYTHING ELSE turned out to be real, which should have been made clearly apparent to him when Morpheus started talking to him about how if they knew what he knew he'd be would be dead, implying that him being caught and the interrogation was real, further implying that what happened to him was real, but I digress.

After they arrive to Morpheus' hideout, they bring him up to Morpheus' room and Morpheus tells Neo that he knows what the Matrix is but he can't put it into words, so he offers Neo a choice of hallucinogenic drugs between a red pill and a blue pill so he can see pretty colors and totally get it maaan. Now, since the blue pill will allow Neo to reject everything he's seen the past few days and let him rationalize the events as he so chooses and the red pill allows him to develop an understanding of everything that goes on in the world around him, what would've happened if Neo decided to go purple? The Matrix doesn't prohibit you from grabbing both, it's not like a video game where taking an alternative is made impossible, it's meant to simulate real life, so what would've happened if Neo took both pills? This choice sounds like it could really backfire in very horrible, horrible ways. Furthermore, why does leaving the situation require taking the blue pill? Does it erase his memory? That's kinda sketchy.

In any case, after Neo downs the red pill they take him to the back room where he starts hallucinating and very much regretting ever having accepted candy from the nice trenchcoat wearing stranger from the back of his van. He eventually gets covered in what I can only guess is unicorn blood from Harry Potter after making contact with a busted mirror. Shortly after he wakes up in an oval water tank filled with red goo and he's attached to the pod he's in via USB cords feeding out of his spine, he also looks on at the world around him to see that pretty much everyone is in the same kind of predicament that he is. A normal person would start screaming "THIS IS NOT FUCKING LIFE! THIS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! I DON'T WANNA BE HERE! SOMEBODY WAKE ME UP!", but then again, since this is Keanu Reeves we're talking about, his response is that of a slight "meh". Being emotionless is expected when you're Keanu Reeves.

After the fact, one of the sentinels managing the pods spots him and instead of doing the logical thing by sedating him and putting him back into the Matrix, it disconnects Neo and dumps him into the sewers where he's found by Morpheus and his crew. One might think that this particular droid were under the control of Morpheus but whether it is or not is never explained. Speaking of sedation and the Matrix, what necessitates the Matrix? It's explained that the Matrix was basically the next big step in Minecraft or the internet or some shit by injecting people directly into the simulation by hooking them up through ports installed through the back of their skulls and lots of people did not like this idea which is what led to the war between the machines and humanity. Now, even though the Matrix was integrated into their systems since the beginning, why do they still use it for, well, anything? Wouldn't it be more simple for them to just sedate their people-batteries their entire lifespan with drugs? Hooking them up to the Matrix is like locking somebody into a library, eventually they'll assimilate enough knowledge from a book on locksmithing to pick the locks on the doors and escape, matter of fact, that's how people first started breaking out of the Matrix to begin with; Morpheus exposits that the first person to escape the Matrix was a guy who discovered that he could manipulate the Matrix however he pleased and decided to pop the cherries of a select few people to form Zion and the freedom fighter force that followed. Not only that, but think of all the electricity you're wasting in doing so; the Matrix is an extremely complex programming system that would require yottabytes upon yottabytes of storage space and ram just to function, the more people you add on the more space you'll need for the Matrix which means the more hardware you'd need to add on which means the more electricity the Matrix will eat up and then your surplus of electricity goes byebye. As if that weren't enough, the Matrix serves as a gateway for the freedom fighters to get into your systems and potentially fuck you up and forcibly release everybody from your grip, not only that, but they depend on it to find "the One" who they believe will bring you down. By keeping the Matrix around, you're basically asking to be exploited in an otherwise air tight and one sided conflict.

After Neo regroups with Morpheus and his crew on their ship, the Nebuchadnezzar, they use the same kind of technology from the pods to inject information directly into Neo's brain through a cord feeding into the outlet implanted into the back of his skull. They inject him and Morpheus together into a personal server dubbed "the Construct" where they can generate anything they want and bring it over into the Matrix with them such as clothes, weapons, and more... pills... Morpheus goes on to exposit that world peace was achieved when our generation had at long last successfully created an authentic artificial intelligence which ushered in a new age of machines capable of independent thought. It remains unknown who shot the first bullet, but what is known is that the human rebels blocked out the sun which totally backfired and the machines resorted into cloning human beings to use them as a substitute energy source which is then used to power the Matrix which is used to--  yeah this plot is fucking stupid. Here's the thing, I looked it up and as it turns out, putting solar panels up above the stratosphere actually makes them eight times more effective than they would be if they were stationed on Earth's surface due to the fact that there's no weather interference in space, so there's no good reason for them to not have done that. Also, this construct thing raises a bunch of questions, after Morpheus is captured, Neo and Trinity generate a pair of guns that they bring over into the Matrix to help free Morpheus; with that in mind, why can't they just infect the Matrix with a virus? Think about it, if they just designed a bunch of A.I.'s with limited functionality, couldn't they just copy/pasta a bunch of Duke Nukems into the Matrix to just completely corrupt it? That sounds like the perfect alternative to, you know, risking your life by going into the Matrix yourself. I mean, even if Duke Nukem is defeated, you're still alive and you can just throw Master Chief in to compensate. Just rinse and repeat the formulae with slight modifications. Just sayin'.

After the fact, Neo starts to reject Morpheus' exposition by saying "That doesn't make any sense", followed by "Why couldn't they just elevate the solar panels five feet above the clouds? Why do they waste so much of the electricity they siphon out of humans to power the Matrix when they could spend way less electricity on just sedating us into sleeping our entire lives? Why would they use something like the Matrix when it could so easily bite them in the ass? Why is the Matrix based around reality when the smarter thing to do would be to mislead humanity by putting them into an environment where the physics are all fucked up incase someone does escape?", you know, logic verses stupidity. Morpheus rebukes his denial with "Dude, I told you that the red pill would take you places, I never said it'd be places that you wanted to go." This is followed by Neo being released from the Construct and demanding that he be woken up from this bad acid trip and go home. Morpheus tells him that he can never go back because now that he's released, he's on the program's hit list. This is also the point in which he tells Neo about "the One" and how "the One" was the first person to ever figure out the Matrix for what it was, manipulate it and free the first set of freedom fighters who eventually formed Zion. After "the One" died, the "Oracle" prophesized that another one would sprout up out of nowhere and that he believes that Neo is "the One".

They proceed to train Neo by using the same kind of technology from the pods to inject information directly into Neo's brain through a cord feeding into the outlet implanted into the back of his skull and he learns all forms of martial arts after ten hours of assimilation. After the fact, Morpheus decides to spar with Neo in a dojo construct. Morpheus steamrolls Neo's ass, analyzes that "Your weakness is not your technique" followed by asking the question "Why did I beat you?", to which he follows "Do you really think the physical attributes of my body have any real impact in here?" followed by another rhetorical question "You think that's air you're breathing?". Basically put, Morpheus is telling Neo that the problem doesn't stem from his lack of capacity, it stems from his concept of limitation, only instead of telling him this outright, he tells him in the most obnoxiously metaphorical and cryptic manner possible to try and sound deep when the thing he's telling him is just really basic. This scene could have been more than what it is at face value; a character study on humanity's self conflicted tendencies in the inability to grasp the true reality despite having already knowing and accepting it, instinctively clinging onto false information as a response to the jarring experience of being confronted with the prospect that everything we not only knew, but were conditioned to accept, was actually a lie from it's very premise and despite knowing the truth, despite the fact that the truth supersedes the lie, a part of us desperately clings to the lie merely on the grounds that we assimilated the lie first and for that reason the former can't be a lie because it's been the truth for far too long to be untrue; the inner struggle of understanding and coping with reality. But alas, that aspect is barely touched upon, reduced down to a mere footnote and all it amounts to is Neo and Morpheus brawling. Neo nearly kicks his ass, informs him that he knows what he's trying to do and Morpheus replies by telling him that he's only trying to get him to break his limited grasp over his own capabilities and despite his efforts, he can't force Neo to learn how to manipulate the Matrix, he can only show him a visual example. 

Uh, no, that's a massive lie, Neo just learned all forms of martial arts by having the information copied into his brain through an extension cord, that's why the two of them are sparring, so with that being said, why can't they just import the knowledge and understanding on how to manipulate the Matrix into his brain just in the same way as they did with the jujitsu? That means that you CAN force him to learn it, literally. Don't tell me that it's because they have too limited an understanding over how it's done to write it to a disc, obviously Morpheous and most of everybody in Zion understands how it's done, matter of fact, it's Morpheus who teaches Neo the basics of doing it and it's apparently a very important and crucial detail for Neo to learn how to do it or otherwise they'll probably lose the war, so why not? That sounds a lot more convenient and reliable than trying to explain it to him through hamfisted and cryptic metaphors that might not even leave the right impression on him and limit his ability to perform. This isn't the Force from fucking Star Wars where it absolutely has to be learned step by step, they have the ability to pump information into your cerebral cortex through a series of tubes and the fact that despite clearly having, even if it is only the very basic thereof, an understanding of how to do it themselves, you mean to tell me that they can't fucking do it? Bullshit. This one detail holds the key to life and death in the Matrix and you mean to tell me that they never bothered to put the information on how to do it on a fucking floppy drive? But karate tricks are the first things on our "to learn" list? Oh, those are real essential, we gotta have those, especially for when you're going up against gigantic Japanese tentacle monsters from the pits of mechanical Hell and software programs that can teleport by possessing anybody they want who's still hooked up to the Matrix through their system and taking on the actual bodies of freedom fighters whom they've assimilated as hosts so that they can infiltrate Zion and expose your position to the rest of the hive mind that is the army of Japanese tentacle monsters from the pits of mechanical Hell. That's very smert of you. Hey, I've got an idea, while we're at it, let's bring in small, defective handguns over from the Construct into the Matrix as opposed to something useful like one of those guns that shoot lightning that are found during the third act and no, don't tell me that there are rules they have to follow while in the Matrix and for that reason they can't bring in Zeus cannons, the entire dynamic of their cold war against the machines depends entirely on their capacity to break those rules and muscle the programs into submission, so the fact that they rely entirely on machine guns and hand guns whenever they enter the Matrix is fucking stupid.

Well in any case, Morpheus has his tech heads load another program designed for jumping, the purpose of this course is to teach Neo about manipulating the Matrix to allow you to extend your jumping distance to whatever length you see fit. Again, I stress the issue that this is something that they really should have on disc, but I digress. Naturally, Neo fails. See, I told you, but I digress. After Neo falls into the ground which rebounds him like a trampoline, Neo wakes up with a bloody lip from the impact which is pure nonsense considering how the fall should have annihilated his bone matter, but since it didn't this still doesn't make sense because if the rest of his body was undamaged from the fall, why did he get a bloody lip? I would further complain about how you can't have both but this raises another nonsense issue of the fact that this leads Morpheus to tell him that if you die in the Matrix, you die in real life. Okay, maybe I could buy that in the case of the people who are still hooked up to the Matrix through their red gooey incubators attached to the main system because they're hooked up to the Matrix not just from the back of their skulls, but also their spines, limbs and just fucking everywhere in general and that those people are being used to power the machine empire so their dying before they see old age in the Matrix could be explained by them being hyperdrained whenever there's a need for a boost in electricity in the city, but not the hackers. I mean, seriously? What, did they install a poison deposits into their own cords that dissolve the brain for when you die in the Matrix? They're not being used as batteries for the Matrix when they enter it, they're hacking into it remotely. I can understand the concept of a program back-hacking and assimilating a hacker's body but how do you kill someone purely through their mind? Morpheous explains that this works on the grounds that when the mind believes it just got stabbed, it'll force the body into recreating the wounds and kill itself. Uh, no. Granted, a hypochondriac can make his body simulate symptoms of a disease but he can't make himself bleed to death without actually puncturing himself with an object foreign to his own body. Even if you could do that, it wouldn't happen that fast, if it did, then why is it that after all the dreams I've had of dying, including the one where I experienced the sensation of bleeding to death by growing cold and my limbs losing functionality, that I didn't die in my sleep? You know what happens to people when that happens? They wake up, sometimes screaming themselves awake. Well, that's what typically happens, I can only recall waking up from a dying dream once, what usually happens to me is that I reverse the situation up to the point where I die and I take an alternative path from that conclusion. This can happen up to five times before my slight alterations work and yeah, this might seem really grim and dark to you but it's the norm for me. I don't even really consider them nightmares anymore. 

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, right. Hey, you know what this dumbass rule reminds me of? Nightmare on Elm Street. Yeah, if this strange rule seems just as out of place to you as it does to me, that's the reason why, they lifted it from another movie that follows a similar dynamic in it's premise, only in Nightmare on Elm Street that rule made sense because it wasn't a science fiction movie that tried to ground itself in reality and make the premise seem realistically plausible, it was a horror movie.

Morpheus has his tech heads load another program which on it's own really serves no purpose as a learning experience unless Morpheus is there with you to give context. This particular program exists for the purpose of simulating the Matrix which gives Morpheus leverage to segway into another exposition rant on how the majority of these people are so heavily attached to the Matrix that they can't be unplugged or they'll actively sabotage the freedom fighter group in an attempt to go back to the Matrix, which is the reason why new members are so scarce. This is also the point in which Morpheus tells Neo that the programs, or agents rather, can assimilate anybody still attached to the Matrix through an incubator remotely and they can assimilate and possess the bodies of hackers by back-hacking them through means of winning a fight and plunging their fist into the chest of the hacker, I'm not kidding, that's how they do it manually and it makes for an awesome watch. So yeah, jumping into the Matrix is all different kinds of dangerous, so much in fact that one slip up could undermine the entire rebellion and fuck over the inhabitance of Zion, which it eventually does.

After the training course is complete, Morpheus gets a call from one of the hackers managing the ship that there are sentinels crawling through the sewer system they're lurking in so instead of running away from them, they speed towards them as fast as possible. Yeah, these guys are all kinds of dumb. They observe the sentinels by shutting off their hover craft and keeping their hands on the electromagnetic pulse button incase they're detected by the sentinels, in which case they'll let the sentinels crawl up to the ship and they'll trigger their "only weapon" shutting them off immediately. I've gotta wonder, what was the point of coming to this area? If anything, they should be running away from these fucking things because they could get killed by being around them. Furthermore, what do they do with the sentinels they've shut down after they kill their power source anyway? Do they bring them on board and dismantle them for spare parts? I have no idea, so it's very much akin to the rest of the movie. At least it has consistency, I'll give it that.

After they, leave... I guess... Neo stumbles upon Cypher, the soon-to-be traitor of the group observing Matrix code, expositing that he doesn't even analyze it anymore, nor does he have to in order to understand it, he can just glance at the code and understand it's meaning which reinforces my point from earlier when the freedom fighters hold Neo at gunpoint. He also exposits that he sympathizes with Neo's jarring experience after being ejected from the Matrix into reality and that he laments not choosing the blue pill over the red pill. I lament the fact that Neo didn't take both and promptly explode from the dividing by zero. Cypher seems like the only relatively intelligent person here as he exposits that if he sees an agent, it's recommended that he run like Hell, as opposed to Morpheus' advice that he should try and stand his ground and fight. Cypher is also shocked to hear that Morpheus told Neo that he expects Neo to fulfill the prophecy of "the One".

Right after that scene, we see Cypher has somehow gone into the Matrix, on his own mind you, despite the fact that someone on the outside has to be managing and studying his every move to operate his escape, otherwise he can't get in or leave, someone has to help him do it, therefore it's impossible for him to keep his mutiny in secret. Well in any case, we see that Cypher is discussing arrangements with the agent dubbed Smith to have himself put back into his incubator at the cost of Morpheous' capture and the death of his crew members. I don't know how he plans to leave the Matrix to sabotage his fellow freedom fighters with the apparent absence of an assistant but...

Oh, this is a mere tidbit, but, Cypher has them agree to erasing his memory of the past nine years he's been out of the Matrix. Okay, if they could do that, then why didn't they do that with Neo when they put the alien into his stomach? What if it never crossed their minds that Neo was bugged when the hackers were bringing him to Morpheus' hideout? There's a chance that Neo would have remembered and told them about it to have it removed.

Anyways, Morpheus decides it's time that Neo meet the Oracle, a defiant program in the Matrix that's suspiciously assisting the freedom fighters in their cold war. When they bring him into the Oracle's apartment, the infamous "there is no spoon" scene occurs, the point in which Neo finally gets all the psychobabble bullshit that Morpheus was spouting out earlier. For whatever reason, Morpheus decides that it's necessary to bring absolutely everybody, save for the two managers, into the Matrix just so that Neo can meet the Oracle and learn the truth, which ends up biting him in the ass, he should have left three people behind as a contingency plan incase the two operators were ambushed, but then again that's one of the less frustrating among my gripes, so let's continue.