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centennial, co
Joined:
12/18/06
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Vituperate and catharsis, to give these are a man's times of respite. To receive them is a man's deconstruction. This is what we breath by. Be careful, tread lightly.

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Just a heads up, we're not discussing the conspiracy in which Willy Wonka makes chocolate out of children. That's just retarded.

No, rather we're going to bring up something more disturbing than that, because it's not as retarded. Also, yes, we'll be talking about the 1971 movie since that's the model around which every Willy Wonka conspiracy is built around and also because I never read the book.

Ever notice that in every instance where one of the kids discovers a Golden Ticket that Slugworth [or Slugworth's impersonator, Mr. Wilkinson, rather.] is always there to greet them with a bribe? This is a plot device that most people who like to form conspiracy theories around Willy Wonka often overlook, mostly because it doesnt directly contribute to the idea of Willy being a serial child murderer, although in retrospect, it very well could.

Anyways, how is it that he's always present at the discovery of each Golden Ticket? It's as if he knew ahead of time when, where and who the Golden Ticket would be discovered by. With the exception of Charlie, you never explicitely see anyone find a Golden Ticket. The closest you get to seeing a direct discovery is with Veruca's Golden Ticket, who had her Golden Ticket delivered to her by an employee who happened to be accompanied by Wilkinson, implying that he delivered the Goldent Ticket to the employee to later be given to Veruca.

Wilkinson even ambushes Charlie from the darkness in a manner that suggests that he was waiting for him just after Charlie obtains the Golden Ticket.

There's also the matter of the Alberto Minoleta who's Golden Ticket was verified to be a fraud. One must ask how he was able to fool anyone with a fruadulent document when only a few people know what one looks like. He would need a thorough example of what one looked like to make a believable imitation. One must also question how Golden Tickest are verified to begin with. None of Wonka's workers ever leave the factory, the Oompa Loompas live there. Does Willy fly out to whoever found it to verify it? One could argue that Wilkinson or someone else does it for him but that would imply that the Golden Ticket was planted on Alberto Minoleta, which merits asking "why?" Wonka's criteria is that his successor must be young enough to significantly outlive him, also because he's a pedo.

I will argue that the accurate distribution of the Golden Ticket is simply too much for even Wonka to control. There was no way of absolutely telling who would get Charlie's Golden Ticket or if Charlie was even able to obtain one [the money he found in the gutter was likely planted]. The implication is that, as the result of a mistake in shipping routes or some shit, a geniune Golden Ticket did land into the hands of the Alberto Minoleta and upon discovering that a Golden Ticket went to the wrong person, they retconned the mistake by paying off news sources to report that it was fraudulent and printed a new Golden Ticket. What I'm saying is that they're bad at their job, which is a lot more honesty than what you could realistically expect from a conspiracy theorist.

Now since it's established that Wilkinson works for Wonka as an impersonator of Slugworth and that it's heavily implied that the Golden Tickets were actually planted, that also implies something quite disturbing; that Wonka's men were scouting for children eligible of taking over his factory once he retires.

Now here's the big question of the day; why would Wonka, having his choice of virtually any kid in the world, elect a bunch of children he openly deemend too incompetent for his legacy?

Why the answer is simple of course; it was Charlie. It was always going to be Charlie no matter how hard Willy Wonka had to sweep away his own or his subordinate's fuck ups. See, the other kids never had potential. They were there merely to set an example of how not to act with every detail of their failures tailored to groom Charlie into the ideal specimen that would be suited to be Wonka's successor.

Still doubt me?

That or some shit. I dunno, don't listen to me; I'm drunk.

EDIT: Congratulations to Gobo760 on Youtube, who ninja'd me a month ahead of time. Now I feel like a fucking idiot.

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Recent Game Medals

Mountain Stall 50 Points Reach your stall at the top! Medal Stats.
SECRET MEDAL 100 Points Unlock this medal to see it's details. Medal Stats.
Lawnmower Man 50 Points Got rid of all the garden weeds Medal Stats.
Great weekend 100 Points Burned all the buildings. Medal Stats.
Sauna 25 Points Relax at the sauna Medal Stats.
Hunter 100 Points Hunt and eat the deer Medal Stats.
100 5 Points People start greeting you on the streets. Medal Stats.
1 5 Points Start an Adventure Medal Stats.
01 The Final Elbows 5 Points well! what it is! Medal Stats.
100 DEAD HIPSTERS 100 Points 100 dies omgwtf Medal Stats.


Total Medals Earned: 579 (From 59 different games.)