Entry #139

The Front Page; meritocracy or bullshit?

2017-08-24 04:00:08 by Psychopath

Over the past few years we've seen more and more steaming trash end up on the front page of Newgrounds where it doesn't belong. Once upon a time ago, the front page was the most prestigious place your movie or game could end up and it was only awarded to those whose content merited such prestige by pure meritocracy, only the movies and games with the highest scores, best reviews and most amount of views would hit the front page. You could not get there by sucking, you'd have to be doing something right somewhere to merit this award.

However, as time has gone on, I've noticed that more and more, submissions with a score or less than a three, sometimes less than a two, will hit the front page because the people who hold oversight of the front page simply like it. A few years ago, we saw a movie belonging to 2003 hitting the front page in 2015.

Every now and again, a movie will hit the front page while it's still in Under Judgment, like this political cartoon. How can I prove that it was frontpaged while still in Under Judgement? Because it was frontpaged the same day as it was uploaded so it hit the front page before anything was elected for the Daily Five awards. Why was it elevated to such a status? It makes fun of Donald Trump, that's why.

When I saw this, I had to do a double-take to make sure it wasn't April 1st 2018.

Get a load of this. If you load the SWF instead of the MP4 file, there will be no animation to speak of, only the title card with what amounts to a really shitty script reading where you can hear the actor bump into his microphone. What this tells me is the SWF didn't load past the first frame but loaded the audio anyway because he left it in start mode. He decided to upload his cartoon in a dying format and couldn't even do that much right, nor could he be assed to add so much as a preloader.

When I switch over to MP4, what I get is only marginally better. It's still the same shit script reading but now there's a story board with terrible artwork. If you, the one reading this, ever intend on becoming an animator sometime in the future, it would be well advised that you do not suck harder at what you do than the thing you're making fun of. I would rather watch those Yo Mama videos than this garbage because they put effort into their work, such as the script, the animation and the voice work. It's as if molesting the microphone with your disgusting, pimply face actually removes from the experience of watching a storyboard where all the jokes are delivered horribly and every character is played by one actor, including the female ones [made ironic when Zachselsior criticizes the Yo Mama! people for overusing female actresses].

If this piece of shit were around back when Turd of the Week were still an award, it would still lose.

Let's do an experiment, let's take a quick look at the portal, right now, and see what cartoons we can find that are better than this toxic waste that were not awarded the front page.

Oh looky here, a political cartoon with a score above shit, and it only got daily fifth! Holy shit, that means this one is in last place behind four other movies just today!

Let's take a look at what the reviews are like for that Donald Trump drivel on the front page.


Wow, three reviews in a row that says this fucking sucks. Despite the fact that last review was hilarious, the fact this piece of shit even illicits this response three times in a row should say something, and this is only from the first page of reviews! I haven't even shown you the other twenty someodd reviews taking a dump on this. Keep in mind that reviews like these get deleted around the clock so this isn't even the tip of the iceberg we would otherwise see.

Maybe we should reconsider slapping a cartoon still in Under Judgment on the front page and wait for it to properly pass, then we should wait until it wins a daily award before putting it on our most prestigious platform like a big middle finger to anyone who has ever tried.

Clearly this is the best way to reel in new talent for your decaying website, by making certain that anything good is overshadowed by a giant turd. What I find most disturbing about this is the confirmation that Newgrounds is no longer the meritocracy that it used to be, how much effort you put into your movie and how well received it is doesn't matter unless you rub the balls of whoever is working the front page the right way. All it takes to hit the front page now is making Trump do funny noises with his mouth like keys jingling in your face, or criticize lowbrow humor for being lowbrow so you can feel smarter than a cartoon about yo mama jokes. Yes, truly, this is the height of objective superiority.


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2017-08-24 06:00:39

Always been a bit of BS about what gets featured on the front page, mainly because it's only a few humans doing it a few times a week. Other than that, it's usually balanced, not perfect. Beyond that, I won't guess at other people's motivations for posting what they post... sometimes you just click whatever, and we're all guilty of that when we're busy or preoccupied.


2017-08-24 10:28:40

If you think that's something, I've seen movies with four star rating that don't even get a reward.


2017-08-24 11:07:44



2017-09-10 00:39:49